Buck & Jane
A Death in the Family
Decker & Hayes
Epic Echoes
The Great Muppet Debate
Guard Duty
Like Mother, Like Daughter
Stage Blood



Decker & Hayes, Series Three
Episode 11 - All Wrapped Up

By Jordan D. White

Stella Decker
Macy Hayes

Narr: Stella Decker and Macy Hayes had always been the saving grace of Parlortown.

Glass: (on phone) What can I do for you ladies?

Narr: To most of the state, it might have been a bleak, gray patch along the side of the interstate, but to Decker and Hayes, it was much more. It was home. Even though Stella had been raised in its darkest and most squalid crevices, even though Macy had spent much of her life traveling with the agency, Parlortown held a special place in their hearts, and as such, they made a stand there, side by side, fighting for what right against all possible odds in a city that loved being wrong. Even when it meant going to jail for murder. Even when it meant facing paralysis. Even when it was nearly tearing them apart.

Stella: We’ve had something of a break on the case. We were going to come to you, but... something’s come up. Can you meet us at our office?

Glass: Well, I do have some appointments this afternoon-

Stella: It’s an emergency, sir. We may be able to wrap things up for good. You might want to bring our final payment.

Glass: Well, then- I’ll be there.

Narr: Mayor Robert Glass had held the city’s highest office for decades. Somehow, he’d managed to maintain the illusion of fighting corruption even as crime continued to fester throughout his tenure. The girls were just as fooled as everyone else. When he hired them to investigate a strange threat he’d received, he seemed as squeaky clean as his photos suggested. Now, they weren’t so sure.

Macy: He’s coming?

Stella: Sure thing. And I’m sure Stan will be right by his side.

Macy: Great. You’ll be all right to get into the office?

Stella: I’ll be fine. You go fetch a hooker.

Narr: The threats to the Mayor seemed to be coming from the Widow, who the detectives soon learned was a powerful crime Madame in the South Tip. Over the course of their investigations they’d found the mayors two missing daughters, lost the brothel of a dead friend Stella had been running, been attacked by and killed a madwoman with a machete, fired a psychopathic secretary, gotten a priest kidnapped, cost a cop his hand, and fought more and harder than they ever had. But slowly, the loose ends were coming together. Stella wheeled her way into the Decker & Hayes offices and flipped on the lights to find one of those loose ends waiting in her secretary’s chair.

Bopko: Evening, Miss Decker.

Stella: I’m a little busy, Bopko. I don’t have time to beat your ass just now.

Bopko: Shut up! You hear me? This is my moment to talk, got it? I’ll let you know when it’s your turn. Besides, I think you’ll be very interested in this little gift box I got recently.

Narr: The former officer Bopko rose and, awkwardly holding his revolver in his left hand, gestured to a box of papers on Jane’s desk with his right stump.

Stella: What is it?

Bopko: Oh nothing much- just information on almost every crime you ever did in Parlortown. I’m talking about from the Blades on down to the brothel. I’m talking pictures, financial records, all sorts of things.

Stella: Where did you get that?

Bopko: A friend. Surprise, surprise, I'm not the only guy in town who doesn't like nosy broads. Looks like it mostly came from Mama Wang’s personal files, stuff that musta been hidden. You’re going down hard, bitch, and I’m going to get me commended… for killing a murderer.

Stella: You think so?

Narr: As Bopko leveled the weapon at her head, Stella spun her wheels hard, rocketing her chair forward into Bopko’s legs. As he doubled over, she wrenched the gun out of his hand and pressed it against his head.

Stella: Cause I’m not feeling it.

Bopko: It’s no good, Decker! I’ve already made copies. This stuff is on its way to Stern’s desk as we speak. Kill me, it’ll just be one more life sentence. You’re still screwed.

Narr: Stella hesitated. Bopko deserved to die. He deserved worse. But she hesitated.

Stella: Get the hell out of my office.

Bopko: You’re still going down. This doesn’t change anything. You’re finished, hear me?

Stella: OUT!

Narr: Down in the parking lot, the returning Macy was having troubles of her own. She was just stepping out of the truck when-

Jane: Don’t move a muscle, Miss Hayes.

Narr: The duo’s recently fired secretary, Jane Vance, had a gun in her face.

Macy: Did I not hurt you enough last time, Jane?

Jane: I want you to keep away from Miss Decker.

Macy: You’re dreaming.

Jane: You’re no good for her! Miss Decker dragged herself out of the South Tip and made something of her life, and being with a dirty, doublecrossing slut like you is just holding her back. You’re the reason she’s in that wheelchair! I want to get her out of this world.

Macy: (mocking) So that’s all this is, just jealousy? You’ve got a crush?

Jane: No, I… I admire her. She’s noble, she’s strong. And she deserves better than some floozy making eyes at nurses behind her back! And she’s going to get it, once you’re back in jail!

Macy: What are you talking about?

Jane: I’m taking you to the police. I’ve already reported you! Private investigation without a license, assault, and, of course, divulging state secrets- all of which, you’ll find, violates the deal you made with the CIA to get out of prison. I’m afraid you’re up a creek, Miss Hayes.

Macy: You’re right, Jane.

Jane: I… I am?

Macy: Yep. So there’s nothing to stop me from doing this.

Narr: Macy kicked the gun out of Jane’s hand, sending it flying through the air, then punched the girl in the face, a sickening crack echoing from her nose as it began to spout blood. She then shoved Jane hard against the side of the truck and held her there.

Jane: (holding broken nose) You bitch!

Macy: Stella and I may have troubles, but we love each other! Do you understand that, you psychopath? Love! It’s the thing you feel for someone after you stop harboring the illusions that they’re perfect! It’s the thing that hurts, because you know she can be a piece of crap, but you care about her anyway! And maybe she does deserve better than a killer like me, but some sorry excuse for human being like you isn't going to fit the Goddamned bill! Go home and grow up, Jane!

Jane: (same) You’ll pay for this!

Macy: Yeah, we’ll mail you your final paycheck. I see you again, it’s your neck that breaks. Bye, now.

Narr: As the girl fled, Macy picked up her fallen gun and headed into the building, Bopko thankfully long gone. Upstairs, she came face to face with her lover.

Macy: We need to talk.

Stella: We’ve got trouble.

Macy: I know we- wait… what are you talking about?

Glass: Hello, ladies. Am I interrupting?

Narr: The Mayor entered the office, flanked by a pair of security guards. One of them was Stanley Hooper.

Stella: Of course not. Come on into my office, Mr. Mayor.

Narr: All five went into the inner office, and the Mayor sat, his guards standing at the ready. Stella shot a questioning look at Macy, who nodded.

Stella: Well, Mayor, we’ve solved a few of the little mysteries of this case. We just have a couple questions left, and I think we’ll know everything we need.

Glass: That’s excellent news, Miss Decker. Please, anything you want. I’ll be happy to get this behind me.

Macy: Did you bring our payment?

Glass: Of course. Stan?

Narr: The Guard brought up a briefcase and placed it on Stella’s desk. He clicked off the latches and spun it to face her, revealing the thousands of dollars in cash the mayor had promised them. Before his hands left the case, both Macy and Stella drew their guns and had the guards covered.

Macy: Drop your weapons on the floor and kick them under the desk.

Glass: What’s going on here?

Macy: Drop them, or I shoot! Slowly, please.

Glass: Do it, for Christ's sake men, do it!

Narr: The guards slowly unsnapped their holsters and removed their weapons, dropping them to the floor, and kicking them towards the detectives.

Stan: You’re making a big mistake.

Stella: I told you we had a few questions left. So, who’s scamming who, Stan? When you skinned that cat, were you working for the Mayor or the Widow?

Stan: What are you talking about?

Stella: Oh, come on! Say it sexy, like on the tape!

Glass: Stan? Is this true?

Widow: Don’t play dumb, you bastard!

Glass: What- what’s going on here?

Narr: The Widow shoved Father Bly into the room and followed behind, pistol in the small of his back.

Stella: You all right, Father?

Bly: I’d be better if I could go home, Stella.

Widow: I was told you’d finished the case. What is this?

Stella: We’re about to. I think we all just need to have a little sit-down and talk things over. Macy, can you make our guests comfortable?

Narr: With the widow keeping her gun on Father Bly and Stella keeping hers on the Mayor, Macy tied the two guards to one another, then knocked them out.

Glass: Is all this necessary?

Macy: Now that we have a little privacy, we can all get comfortable.

Glass: I’m not comfortable with her in the room.

Stella: That’s funny, Mr. Mayor- I thought you didn’t know who she was?

Widow: Why did you call me here?

Stella: Take a seat. I said we’re gonna talk this out.

Widow: Fine. But I’m not letting Bly out of my sights.

Macy: Then I’ll just shoot you in the head. It’s what we do.

Stella: And a shot from that little peashooter in the Father’s gut? He’d be fine in a month. Macy's to your head? You’d be pretty gone. I suggest you let him go.

Narr: The Widow frowned for a while, then lowered her weapon, putting it on the desk. Stella picked it up with a handkerchief, then tossed Bly one of the wads of bills from the Mayor’s case.

Stella: Get yourself a cab, Father.

Bly: Be safe, ladies.

Macy: Not likely.

Narr: Once the priest was gone, Stella got down to business.

Stella: We’re here to cut through all the bull, all right? Before you even start to deny it, I know you know each other. You killed Miss Vera, "Widow", and you, Glass, covered it up. Are you both ready to get straight with us?

Glass: Why should we tell you anything?

Macy: Because you both want to know about her.

Narr: Macy held up the picture the pair had both given them on separate occasions. The picture of the mayor’s "daughter".

Glass: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve told you all I know.

Widow: Have you found her? Where is she?

Stella: That answers that question.

Macy: Stan was only working for the Mayor.

Widow: What the hell are you two talking about?

Macy: This isn’t the mayor’s daughter. We did find the other daughter. It was easy once we really did the footwork. The only piece that didn’t fit was the photo.

Stella: I assume the mayor gave you a copy?

Widow: Yes, he did.

Glass: This is ridiculous! You’re going to take a criminal’s word over mine?

Widow: I blackmailed him into the cover-up. I wanted to operate in secret. Best way to keep alive. Said I would reveal he'd had a daughter by a hooker if he didn’t. I was bluffing. I had no idea where Decadence had gone when she left Parlortown. Somehow, he found out. Sent me this picture, said he’d found his daughter, and he’d have her and her family killed unless I turn my operation over to his people.

Stella: Which is why you hired us to find her for you. To protect her.

Glass: That’s nonsense. Then, why would I have hired you ladies?

Macy: Because you knew Stella was running Mama Wang’s. It was all about turning us and the Widow against each other.

Stella: You set up the raid at Mama’s just after Stan delivered the corpse. You shut down Mama’s, and all business goes to the Widow. You knew my past, knew I was the revenge type. After that, either we kill the Widow, taking care of your other problem, or she kills us.

Macy: Either way, South Tip prostitution gets a little more hush-hush, and you’re ‘fighting corruption’ while pocketing the bank.

Stella: Sounds like things are getting better every day for you, Mr. Mayor.

Glass: (the innocent façade is gone. This man hates them.) Unfortunately for you, this information is never going to leave this room.

Macy: Oh really?

Glass: Really. You don’t have a single solitary shred of evidence on me. All you’ve got is the word of a criminal, and I doubt she’s going to want to come forward. The worst you could do is reveal my bastard children, but if you want them to live, I wouldn’t recommend it. I suggest you take the money I’ve brought you, and keep your God Damned mouths shut. I’ll go back to my office, she can go back to her business, and you two can go back to whatever the hell it is your type do.

Stella: Why, Glass? Why did it have to go down like this?

Glass: You think I enjoy it? You think I like being the Mayor of this disgusting pit? I’ve been trying to get out of this hole since I fell into it. The place just keeps sucking me in, it won’t let me escape. This time, it’s going to be different. This time, I can make a play for Governor, maybe even Senate. I’m going to leave this cesspool behind me.

Stella: I don’t think so.

Narr: Stella brought up the Widow’s handgun, still in her handkerchief, and shot Glass between the eyes. The Widow leapt to her feet.

Widow: Jesus Christ, you shot him!

Macy: I told you, it’s what we do.

Stella: If you don’t want to join him, I’d beat it.

Widow: You’re… you’re letting me go?

Stella: You’ll get yours. Now, go.

Narr: The Widow hurried out of the office as fast as possible, leaving the two detectives, the dead mayor, and his unconscious bodyguards alone in the offices.

Stella: We’ve got to get out of town, Mace.

Macy: You’re not kidding. They're already going to be looking for us. But Stella… you did the right thing. He was a scumbag. People need to know what he did.

Stella: They’re not gonna.

Macy: What?

Stella: He was right. We’ve got nothing on him. Just like with you and Cross. I just killed the most beloved man in Parlortown. It’s murder, plain and simple. They want a story, they got one. Let me just make a call.

Narr: Stella picked up the phone and dialed.

McG: McGuiness.

Stella: Hey, Jules. Remember that thing that kept you from going after the Widow in the Miss Vera / Maison X case?

McG: Uh… you mean the mayor?

Stella: Won’t be a problem anymore. Just thought you’d like a heads up. Might be a shocking headline tomorrow.

McG: How shocking are we talking here, Stell?

Stella: "Killer Dykes Slaughter Hero Mayor". I suggest you go along with it when they ask about us. We were always bad news. Criminals, through and through.

McG: Stella-

Stella: We’ll miss you, Jules. Keep Parlortown safe.

Narr: As Stella hung up the phone and looked over at Macy, she had no idea what the future held, for the duo or for Parlortown. She didn’t know that as the city villified her and her lover, public pressure would come down hard on crime. She didn’t know that McGuiness would do so well for himself taking down the Widow that in three years time, he’d make his own successful play for the Mayorship. She didn’t know that their beloved city was taking its first painful, bloody steps towards a return into the light. All she knew was that she was with Macy, and that it was only together that they could forge ahead.

Stella: So, where do we go now?

Macy: Out of the country. Europe, I’d say. I still have some contacts in France from working with Cross. I can probably get us set up there.

Stella: France, huh? Hey, uh… how do you say "I love you" in French?

Macy: "Je t’aime."

Stella: Thanks, I love you, too.

Narr: The End.

The End.