Drallus: (sigh) It’s over…he’s done for.
Narrator: The Flashpack breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the immobile
skeletal systems of the Vampiros Lucien the Great and his wife, Calliope,
on the cave floor.
Slotter: I can't believe they found us here!
Jimmy: I suppose leaving that map of the underground cave network from World
War Two Italy in seventeenth century Italy wasn’t the smartest of ideas.
Max: Probably not, Jimmy. But never fear! We’ve beaten countless Vampiros
already, and we’re more than capable of doing it again!
Drallus: (still tired) You may be capable. I need a nap and a deep tissue
Jimmy: (really upset) Great Purple Penguins of Pluto! I wish these stupid
Vampiros had never existed in the first place!
Slotter: Calm down Jimmy. Like Max said-
Max: Golly gee whiz! Jimmy, you’re a genius!
Slotter: Are you sure genius is the right word? Because I generally go with
mildly gifted bordering on adorably stupid.
Max: Guys, don’t you see? We’ve spent the past, what it is now,
Drallus: More or less.
Max: We’ve spent six months playing hopscotch through time hunting
down Vampiros on an individual scale.
Jimmy: I’m pretty sure that we all knew that though. Seeing as we were
all more or less there. Go back to the part where I’m a genius.
Furtrace: And go there fast.
Narrator: Furtrace returned to the group from his lookout at the mouth of
the cave, moving at what was considerably more than his normal speed.
Furtrace: Three of the Innocence Blobs we set up have been absorbed. They’ll
be here any minute now.
Max: No they won’t.
Drallus: Actually, Max, I can see them from here. I’m pretty sure being
here is on their immediate agenda.
Max: Not if they don’t exist.
Drallus: You know what time and place this batch spawned from? Gosh Max,
there has got to be an easier way to get rid of them than all this time hopping.
Especially if the next one’s as strong as Lucien was.
Jimmy: He was a nasty one, wasn’t he?
Furtrace: The tougher any Vampiros are, you can bet their maker was worse.
Slotter: All true, but also old news. Let’s do this thing of Max’s
before these guys arrive.
Max: We will... but we can't leave without Keane and Molly...
Narrator: Meanwhile, the second of the two missing Pack members finally caught
up with the first. Minus a transporter belt, Molly had made the five mile
trek on foot, and between the rocks and Vampiros, was rather worse for the
Keane: For the love of Stuart, not you again!
Molly: Sara…I need to speak with you…urgent!
Keane: It can wait, Molly.
Molly: No…it can’t…
Keane: Molly, this is none of your business! Go away! William is going to
be here any minute, and I will not have you ruining my wedding night!
Molly: Wedding night!? Sara, please tell me you haven't! You can't be serious!
Keane: Not yet. Geez, don’t have an aneurism. And don’t think
you can stop us either. (giggly and girlish) William has promised to take
me to Ancient Athens for our honeymoon!
Molly: No! Keane you are NOT marrying-
Keane: Molly! Shut up! I AM-
Narrator: Molly grabbed Keane by the shoulders and shook her soundly.
Molly: Keane! He’s a Demon.
Molly: Just…hear me out. He’s half Vampiros. How do you think
he got such an important title? That’s known Vampiros property!
Keane: He is no such thing! How dare you say that! Wouldn’t he have
tried to kill me by now?
Molly: But Keane, he has killed you! He's the reason we died! Listen to yourself.
What happened to the kind, shy, Sara that I knew? He’s only half Vampiros.
He doesn’t drink blood, but he still sucks the innocence out of everything
and everyone that gets close to him!
Keane: Lies! Horrible lies! I thought you were my friend, Molly!
Molly: I am your friend, Sara! And that’s why you have to hear this.
If you get married to him, he’ll turn you into a Vampiros as well.
Keane: He would never! Besides, we still don’t know if half Vampiros
can make new Vampiros.
Molly: Yes we do, and they can, and they’re harder to kill! Please
Keane. You have to believe me. You have to help me kill William!
Keane: Never! How typical of you Molly, always getting someone else to do
your dirty work. Where's Max when you need him? If you so desperately want
him dead, you can do it yourself. And you’ll have to go through me first!
Molly: Please, Sara! It’s the only way!
Keane: Molly, if you say another word, I swear-
Sir William: Useless banter, silly words used by sillier a sillier woman.
Good afternoon my beloved.
Narrator: Keane’s dark and dashing suitor, Sir William Alfred Whickersham,
14th Lord Duke of Blackmoor, formerly known as the Greater North Sea continent
of Britain, swept to one knee and kissed her hand. He looked up at her from
under his wide brimmed and feathered chapeau, and smile.
Sir William: Never fear, my dearest Sara. I find it positively delightful
that little miss Molly should come all the way out here by herself, thinking
she can put an end to me.
Narrator: Sir William Alfred Whickersham, fourteenth Lord Duke of- oh for
goodness’s sake. Bill stood up and pulled out a sword.
Molly: Sometimes the only way to get things done is to do them yourself.
(sword fight noises)
Sir William: Oh dear, I wouldn’t let the rest of your precious Pack
hear you say that. It might dampen their happy little morale.
Molly: Like you dampened Keane’s?
Sir William: Oh I assure you, Molly, Keane is quite happy with me.
Molly: And a jerk to everyone else!
Sir William: Everyone else does not matter. Especially as I’ll be hunting
down the rest of the Flashpack to finish them off. Once I’ve finished
you, of course. It will be my wedding present to Lady Sara: no more pesky,
whining plebeians who think they are better than she.
Molly: Keane! I hope you’re listening to this!
Narrator: But Keane was standing off to the side looking utterly distressed.
She flinched whenever Sir William barely dodged a blow from Molly, but jumped
up and down and cheered him on every time he took the upper hand. Finally,
the two combatants separated, out of breath.
Sir William: Give up Molly. Don’t make this harder on yourself than
it has to be. Besides, as a woman, do you really want to die in such a disheveled
state? All covered with blood and dirt? It’s a disgrace! I can end it
painlessly. I can make you one of us. All you have to do is lay down your
Molly: Are we fighting or are we talking?
Sir William: I’m winning, and you’re losing.
Narrator: With a tip of his hat and swish of his cape, Sir William Whirled
around and stabbed Molly in the shoulder.
Keane: Molly! Nooooooo!
Narrator: Sir William wiped the blood off of his sword, and knelt down next
to Molly. He lifted her up and as her neck approached his teeth, a laser beam
emerged from his stomach.
Keane: Sorry honey. But as much as my friends drive me insane, I still enjoy
having them in one piece.
Narrator: Keane pressed a button, and the laser beam spread out, making toast
of Sir William Alfred Really Long Title Guy. Then she ran to Molly, who was
struggling to sit up.
Molly: >coff< I’m really glad that Julie’s inventions work
more times than they don’t.
Keane: Wait. What? Molly? You’re ok? But you were just run through!
Molly: I was. Thank the gods the hydro-steel skin armor with super stretch
capabilities and fake blood worked. I think. Am I dead again?
Narrator: Keane pinched Molly’s exposed shoulder.
Keane: I’m voting on alive.
Molly: Thanks a lot.
Narrator: Meanwhile, back with the Flashpack, the approaching Vampiros were
mere meters away from the cave, and Max still had yet to reveal his genius
Max: ...My point is, we know that killing any Vampiros will automatically
erase any of their spawn from time. But what if we go beyond that?
Drallus: Max, we’ve been going beyond, above, around, and exceeded
every limit nature has to offer us. Stop being cryptic and just tell us what’s
Max: Stop Ector from creating them.
Molly: Max! You’re a genius! I can’t believe I didn’t think
of this before!
Keane: Because you’re the only one who ever has ideas.
Furtrace: Where did you guys come from? And why is Molly all bloody?
Molly: We’ll explain later. First we have to go back to the 1670s,
and stop Sir Ector from completing his experiment!
Slotter: Quick! Everybody grab hands.
Narrator: As the sounds of the approaching Vampiros reached a distance where
an impolitely loud conversation could potentially occur, the Flashpack joined
hands and, via Slotter’s watch, whirled away through the well known
Vortex of Time. When they landed, they were in England, in 1681. They were
also standing in a circle, hands still joined, around a pale dead body. Slotter
and Keane backed away rather hastily, their eyes casting about for a suitable
place to safely deposit their lunches.
Jimmy: But where’s Sir Ector?
Narrator: Sir Ector Huntingdon was, in fact, standing right behind Max, so
infinitely absorbed in perfecting the potion that he was intending to feed
the corpse that he was completely oblivious to the mutterings echoing through
his stone laboratory. Max called out to the cad in his Hero Voice.
Max: Sir Ector Huntingdon!
Narrator: He spun around to scan the room just as Sir Ector turned, rather
quickly, to see who was shouting for him while standing right behind him.
Max: There you are, you conniving, evil-
Sir Ector: AAAUUUUUGGGHHHH! (squishing noise?)
Narrator: As previously stated, Sir Ector had turned rather quickly, a relatively
BAD idea when carrying concoctions meant for the resurrection of the dead.
Especially when the dish you’re carrying it in has no lid, as it is
very likely that said red, glorping concoction will spill all over you, erode
your face away, and leave you in a twitching puddle on the floor.
Max: ...Well then.
Slotter: Oh snap! Alyssa’s going to kill me for this! Max! You just
took out the guy that invented Gravity!
Drallus: Way to go, bro!
Max: I didn’t mean to kill him!
Furtrace: Quick! Let’s go back and fix it!
Slotter: Furtrace, we’ve done this how many times? You know you’re
not allowed to time step to a place where you know you already are.
Keane: Because you haven’t already broken a thousand of your time stepper
Molly: Well, with Ector out of the picture, he and poor Isaac won’t
have to have that big trial concerning who discovered gravity first.
Slotter: I always liked Isaac better anyway. I got lost when I was little,
and he gave me an apple.
Max: Gang, let's take stock of this for a moment: We've defeated the Vampiros.
Once and for all. That means we can finally go home again!
Molly: My lab!
Furtrace: My treaties!
Slotter: My rubberbands!
Jimmy: Wait! Guys! We never found the Catship!
All: (various groans)
Drallus: Look, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m tired,
I’m sore, I know at least two of our members are in need of a second
lunch, and if I recall correctly, the ship was in several more pieces than
it ought to have been when last we saw it. I vote we leave the stupid ship,
wherever it is, and just go home.
Molly: (bitterly) Drallus is right. We’ve been through Time searching
for that thing. Let’s face it, somebody took it.
Keane: Get over it Molly. You just have to accept that you’re not the
only person in this space time continuum that is obsessed with old junk.
Jimmy: Oh come on guys. I know it’s a hunk of junk. But it’s
Slotter: Howsabout we just try one spot?
Furtrace: Where? Up your nose? I think it’s the only place we haven’t
Slotter: No, Fuzzbrain. We’ll go back to when we crashed it, and take
it back before anyone else gets to it! We exited that ship pretty quickly
and booked it for the hills. If I set my watch for fifteen minutes after we
crashed, we should be able to get in and out unnoticed.
Drallus: Are you sure, Slotter? I hate it when you go messing with stuff
you don’t know.
Slotter: Drallus, out of the two of us, who has NOT killed any of their friends
in the past year?
Narrator: Drallus blushed a new shade of blue, and Slotter fiddled with the
dials on her watch. Once again, the Flashpack grabbed hands and where whisked
through time. This time, they landed exactly where they had landed exactly
six months ago. The sunset was the same, the mountains looked the same, and
an unfamiliar silence whereas there should have been the familiar sound of
them being attacked by a horde of Vampiros echoed from the distance. However,
stranger than that was that instead of looking upon the dusty wreck of their
Saladonian Catship, what the Pack found was their Catship in only one piece.
And it was shining!
Jimmy: Holy Space Halos! That thing’s shiny!
Keane: And not broken!
Narrator: The Flashpack slowly approached the Catship.
Max: Are we sure it’s ours?
Drallus: Do you remember anyone else crashing a Saladonian Catship named
Marvin III here?
Max: Well, no. But I remember us crashing. And that isn’t crashed.
Slotter: Look! A note!
Narrator: Indeed there was what appeared to be a note tucked under one of
the Catship’s windshield wipers.
Furtrace: Oooo! Who’s it from? Can we keep it?
Drallus: The note or the ship, Fuzzball?
Slotter: It’s…it’s from us?
Max: Let me see that. Well, technically it’s from Molly. She’s
the only one who writes her s’s like that.
Drallus: How is that something that…anyone, could possibly ever know?
Narrator: Molly blushed.
Max: Well guys, it looks like this is in fact, our ship. Turns out we found
it and fixed it up, then left it here so that we could find it and go home.
Drallus: But how did we do all this? I for one don’t have any recollection
of seeing this hunk of junk since the crash.
Jimmy: That's one of the side effects of spending so much time traveling
space and changing things around. If you do something in one time, and then
go back and change something in another time, it is very likely to alter the
future that you came from, so you’d be doing different things.
Max: Come on, Gang, we can worry about that later. Let's get outta here.
Narrator: Their mission solved, all the Flashpack had to do was head back
to their floating space complex hovering over Seattle. They squished themselves
into the tiny seats of their ship and set a course for Flashpoint.
Max: Stellof? We’re Ho-ome!
Narrator: Has the Flashpack finally returned to its own time? Are Vampiros
finally gone for good? Will Molly and Keane’s relationship ever be the
same? The answers begin in next season’s premier: That’s My Paradox.