Buck & Jane
A Death in the Family
Decker & Hayes
Epic Echoes
The Great Muppet Debate
Guard Duty
Like Mother, Like Daughter
Stage Blood



Epic Echoes, Series 3
Episode 2 - Flashpack Ex Machina

By Jordan D. White

Sir William

Furtrace: Hold onto your helmets!

Narrator: Furtrace Fuzzbotham ducked down in the left sidecar of the jet-o-cycle as Jill Slotter did the same in the right. Drallus Thornfield, their newly-sane ally, clenched her thighs around the main body of the vehicle and ramped backwards, going into a loop-de-loop before diving straight at the ground. A little trailer full of equipment swung wildly behind the bike, carrying all the high-tech equipment and basket of ping-pong balls they’d acquired in their rendez-vous back in time.

Drallus: Are they still on our tails?

Slotter: And gaining!

Drallus: Perfect.

Narr: A horde of Vampiros Biker Boys were rocketing after the three surviving members of the Flashpack as they flared across the skyline of Vampiropolis, the Capital of Vampirosian Empire in the year 4044.

Drallus: Are you almost ready, Furtrace?

Furtrace: I’ve found it!

Drallus: Here we go!

Narr: Mere feet from the ground in the middle of Huntingdon Square, Drallus pulled up, rocketing them back towards the sky at nearly an 80-degree angle.

Drallus: Did they make it?

Narr: Behind them, two of the bikers smashed into the dirt in a blast of fire, but the vast majority made it in time to continue the chase, flying upwards in the same trajectory as the fleeing ‘Pack.

Slotter: They’re looking peachy, so far.

Drallus: Hit it, catman!

Furtrace: (Cat Noises)

Narr: As Furtrace recited his spell, liquid lava flowed forth from his pawtips and fell in their wake, slathering across the flesh and leather of the biker boys speeding behind them. The pursuers screamed as their limbs singed off their bodies and their bikes erupted in flames as the lava burned into their flovibium tanks.

Slotter: We got them! You crazy little feline, you burned their butts off!

Furtrace: I told you I could stop them. It was easy.

Drallus: Guys, I’m all for the celebrations, but we might want to get to the museum before someone else realizes who we are, don’t you think?

Slotter: Oh, yeah, sorry. Hang a… left and downish.

Narr: A minute or four later, protected by a force bubble of Furtrace’s creation, the trio smashed the cycle through the front gates of the Vampiropolis Museum of Natural and Unnatural History, before totaling the vehicle right in the middle of a painting depicting the beheading of Charles Darwin.

Drallus: Keep moving! This is our only chance to save Max! We’ve got to make it!

Slotter: According to the brochure, the Flashpack exhibit is… this way!

Narr: They booked down the hallway, hauling the cases of miscellaneous equipment, causing screams all around them as innocent Vampiros school children and history buffs recognized them. They could only assume the footsteps pounding towards them in their wake were security guards. Before long, they found themselves running towards a replica of the gates of the Flashpoint.

Slotter: Inside, quick! Drallus, barricade the doors! Furtrace, find the others! I’ll set up the machine!

Drallus: Easy for you to say! What can I use as a barricade?

Slotter: I don’t know… use Keane’s special freezer/stove combo!

Drallus: What? She’ll kill me!

Slotter: It’s a replica, remember? Besides, I think she’d rather lose her stove than… ok, no, but it’s only a replica. Just do it!

Furtrace: Holy Hairballs! You all might need to see this…

Slotter: What is it, you little… Oh My Sweet Laws of Science.

Narr: In a case in the next room of the Flashpoint reconstruction stood the scallitonically preserved corpses of the Flashpack. The entire Flashpack; not just the fallen Max, Molly, Keane, and Jimmy.

Drallus: But… but… that’s us in there!

Furtrace: That’s nothing: read the plaque!

Drallus: "The remains of enemies of the Empire, the Traitorious Flashpack, and their homosexual leader, Max Thornfield…"

Furtrace: See? They thought he was gay, too.

Slotter: Forget that, how did we get in there?

Drallus: It doesn’t say, it just says the Vampirosian Empire tracked us across time, hunting down every member until… well, here we are.

Furtrace: So… do we resurrect all of us?

Slotter: Why would we do that? We haven’t died yet. If we die later, the others can bring us back. Or, preferably, we can stop us from dying in the first place. Now quick, get the others into the resurrection machine, and don’t knock over the ping-pong balls!

Drallus: Are you sure we should use it? Julie always said it was a one-time usage type deal… if this isn’t the right time-

Slotter: You want we should use it next time you kill half the group? No, I think this is the time. When I went back to take it from Julie, she seemed to think it was a good idea.

Furtrace: If this device really works, why didn’t you use it when Julie died?

Slotter: We would have, believe me, but I told you, we didn’t have it anymore. Julie told us a Flashpack from the future came and took it from her as soon as she’d finished it. Which turned out to be… us, now. She said we just need the real bodies of our fallen friends.

Drallus: I know, I just don’t want to end up in the display with them!

Furtrace: We could just go on like this, the three of us. We make a pretty good team. We could take out all the Vampiros on our own, I bet. Especially Me and Drallus…

Slotter: Just help us get them between the pylons, Fuzzface! Security’s at the door!

Furtrace: All right, all right!

Drallus: Here, here’s Max. That’s the last of them.

Slotter: All right… stand back everyone, Julie said all I have to do is… something like… this!

Narr: Slotter swung down the large lever on the fourth pylon and electricity shot out in all directions, filling the air with a blue-white light and standing all their hair on end (causing Furtrace to become a little puff ball of hair). The lights of the faux Flashpoint dimmed, as energy was drawn from every nearby source, creating a soul vacuum, drawing back the eternal essences of their fallen friends. The ping-pong balls flew into the air, swirling around in a waltz through the tingling fields. The images of their comrades became visible in the buzzing air over the dead bodies.

Drallus: Look, I can see Max’s spirit! It’s working!

Slotter: Of course it is! Julie never let us down!

Furtrace: What about that whole ‘dying’ thing?

Drallus: Are you trying to get your face pounded in? She died saving my life!

Furtrace: Ooo, well, then I owe her one.

Slotter: Shut up, I think it’s happening!

Narr: Indeed, the ping-pong balls began whizzing about faster than the eye could follow, nearly giving Furtrace whiplash as he attempted to track one. Then, in one last spectacular swoop, the balls all swirled and collided with the dead bodies on the floor. The energy vanished, the lights restored to full illumination, and the only sound was that of fifty-seven ping-pong balls bouncing on the floor.

Slotter: (pause) Uh….

Drallus: Are they breathing?

Furtrace: They still smell dead. I don’t think Julie’s machine-

Max: (weakly) Julie?

Drallus: Max! You’re alive! Praise the holy pantheon!

Molly: Is that… you, Julie?

Slotter: Not quite. Are you guys ok?

Jimmy: Uhg… my occipital lobe hurts…

Drallus: Oh, that… I sort of… ripped it out.

Keane: Did you… take my colon, too?

Drallus: Sorry…

Max: Uhg… my head is pounding…

Furtrace: That might be the Vampiros pounding on the door, actually. I think we should get out of here, Slotter!

Slotter: You might be right. Hands, everyone!

Narr: The Flashpack all grasped one another by the hands and Slotter sent them and their machinery spinning through time as a full group for the first time in a long time. The ‘pack flashed into existence again in a large chamber within a cave. The recently de-deceased members looked a little woozy.

Max: Whoa…

Drallus: Careful, Max! You’re still weak…

Molly: Where did you take us, Jill?

Slotter: First place I could think of: remember that cave system in Italy we had that map for back before you died? I figured it would be safe to rest in.

Keane: So we really died? The last thing I remember was Drallus coming towards me, looking a little peeved.

Max: I remember a bit more than that, but nothing since the axe caught me.

Drallus: Gosh, Max, I’m so sorry. It was nothing personal…

Furtrace: Although, you’ll note she didn’t kill me.

Slotter: You were hiding!

Jimmy: So, How did you bring us back?

Slotter: Remember Julie’s resurrection machine?

Max: … Julie?

Molly: You saw Julie?

Jimmy: Of course… She said the ‘Pack took it when we needed it most.

Slotter: She gave us a bunch of other random stuff, too, see?

Molly: How long were we dead?

Slotter: In "our" time, about… two months.

Keane: Two months?!? Oh my God! I have to… I have to go to the bathroom.

Furtrace: I guess that’s a long time to hold it.

Max: So what exactly happened anyway? I can’t believe we made Drallus THAT mad.

Drallus: No, of course not, Max! I love… you guys.

Slotter: I think I can explain…

Narr: Slotter relayed all that had happened to the Mini-Pack since their leader had died. Meanwhile, Keane had slipped out of the mouth of the cave, but rather than going to the bathroom, she was using her infoglasses once again to contact her secret lover, Sir William Alfred Whickersham, 14th Lord Duke of Blackmoor.

William: Sir William Alfred Whickersham, 14th Lord Duke of Blackmoor.

Keane: William, my love!

William: Sara! You’re alive! How… wonderful! Splendiforous, truly! How did this… wonderful, miraculous event occur?

Keane: That doesn’t matter now, I just… if you still feel the same way you did before I died… the answer is still ‘Yes.’

William: ‘Yes?’

Keane: Of course I’ll marry you!

William: Oh, yes! But of course! You haven’t… talked to your ‘friends’ about us, have you?

Keane: Of course not. It’s none of their business. They wouldn’t understand, anyway.

William: You know, I think you just might be right about that, my darling. Am I reading this right, are you in… Italy? Nineteen-hundred and forty-one?

Keane: Yes, my love.

William: I’ll meet you as soon as I can shall we say… five miles south?

Narr: Coincidentally, the rest of the ‘pack were discussing that selfsame nobleman at that very incident.

Molly: Hang on… you’re saying Sir William Alfred Whickersham is half Vampiros?

Max: Well, it makes sense: he is the 14th Lord Duke of Blackmoor.

Jimmy: Of course! Why didn’t I realize?

Drallus: He’s the reason I attacked all of you guys… he fed off my innocence, then set me loose to kill all of you. He would have turned me, afterwards, if not for Jill.

Molly: Hang on… half-vampiros can make new Vampiros?

Lucien: I should say so. How else could Sir William Alfred Whickersham have made us? Isn’t that right, beloved?

Calliope: But of course, sweetness.

Max: Flaming Flutwana! Lucien and Calliope! How did you find us, you Malicious Monsieur?

Lucien: It was simple, fool.

Calliope: We had a map.

Narr: There in Lady Calliope’s hand was the map of the cave system which the ‘pack had misplaced some months earlier.

Lucien: And now, Flashpack, prepare to fall before the Vampirosian Empire.

Max: Been there, done that- right Molly? Uh… Molly?

Furtrace: Where the heck is Molly?

Calliope: Don’t worry, my little throw-rug. We’ll kill her, too… where ever she is.

Narr: Where ever she was was running through the caves, bearing due south, toting a sword and tracking her good friend Sara.

Molly: Keane… I never should have kept your ‘relationship’ a secret. I knew William was up to no good. I just pray I’m not too late…

Narr: Will Molly reach Keane in time to save her? Will Max and company survive their encounter with Lucien and Calliope? Will they be able to stem the scourge of the Vampiros as a whole? And will they ever get home again? Find out for sure in the next episode of Epic Echoes, "The End of the Beginning."

Go to Episode 3