Slotter: (under her breath) Where are you, you little fuzzball?
Narrator: Jill Slotter was one of the three Flashpack members still alive.
One of the others was Drallus, whom Slotter had discovered summarily executing
her fellow superheroes. The ‘Pack was on a mission in the past to defeat
the Vampiros, an evil vampire race who fed on innocence, and of course, blood.
A few days before, Slotter had been off collecting goo from the Goopy Marsh
so that they could set up innocence blobs. Upon her return, she had discovered
the rest of her friends dead, having been slaughtered by Drallus. The only ‘Pack
member unaccounted for was Furtrace. Slotter had now taken refuge in a wooded
area and was still searching for the furry little magic user. Finally, she
heard a pathetic whimper from behind a log a few yards away.
Furtrace: (pathetic kitty whimpering)
Slotter: (whispering) Furtrace? Is that you?
Furtrace: (to himself) Oh, fishsticks! Quick, Furtrace, find a spell!
Slotter: Furtrace, it’s me, Jill.
Narr: Slotter saw a tiny pair of pointy ears emerge from behind the log.
Furtrace: (hesitant) Slotter?
Slotter: (quietly) Yeah, it’s me.
Furtrace: How do I know you’re not possessed too?
Slotter: So you saw?
Furtrace: She almost got me but I was too small and tiny.
Slotter: Oh Furtrace, this is just awful. What happened?
Furtrace: (still guarded) Hold on there, lady, I still need to know you’re
not crazy-go-nuts, too.
Slotter: (sighs, a little impatient) Furtrace, this is ridiculous. We don’t
have a lot of time.
Furtrace: That’s what evil Slotter would say.
Slotter: Well what do you want me to do, not chop you to bits with an axe?
Furtrace: No, smartass. Just…come a little closer.
Slotter: Fine. (beat) There, is that close enough?
Furtrace: That’s perfect. Now just – BLAP!
Slotter: (making fun of him) What are you doing, fuzzbrain?
Furtrace: I found a spell that turns Vampiros blue for five seconds.
Slotter: And I didn’t turn blue.
Slotter: Got any spells that actually hurt the Vampiros?
Furtrace: If I did they’d be hurt by now, wouldn’t they?
Slotter: Just checking.
Furtrace: That’s the only one I’ve got.
Slotter: Well maybe we can drive them crazy with a color show.
Furtrace: Hey, I don’t see you punching out any Vampiros, Slotter.
Slotter: Alright, how about we save the fighting for after Drallus stops
being evil and our friends stop being dead?
Furtrace: Good idea. How do you plan to do that?
Slotter: Well we need to put our heads together. (beat) Oh, Furtrace, it
looks like it was awful. What exactly happened?
Futrace: Molly was briefing us about the innocence blobs, when Drallus came
back from….actually, I don’t remember where she was. But she came
in and chopped off Molly’s head. Everyone was so shocked that no one
fought back fast enough. I ran off as soon as she hurt Molly.
Slotter: I got back too late. Everyone was already dead. I heard Jimmy screaming
so I hid and tried to see what was happening. I got there just as she killed
Jimmy. What do you think happened?
Furtrace: She looked possessed or something.
Slotter: Possessed? By, like, a demon?
Furtrace: Well think, dummy. There are Vampiros everywhere.
Slotter: You think she was possessed by a Vampiros?
Furtrace: Vampiros don’t possess! But they do suck out your innocence.
Slotter: Not mine.
Furtrace: Drallus’s, stupid.
Slotter: Thanks, fuzzbrain.
Furtrace: I had time to drop a pebble in her shoe.
Slotter: What do you mean?
Furtrace: I did some fast magic and turned a pebble into a tracking device.
I dropped it in her shoe when I ran away.
Slotter: Furtrace, I could lick you!
Furtrace: No thank you. Besides, it was all for nothing. I lost my videophone
Slotter: Well I have mine. But what’s it for?
Furtrace: I can convert it to track the pebble. Give me yours.
Narr: The catman said some magic words and examined Slotter’s videophone.
Furtrace: It looks like she’s…near the Goopy Marsh? What would
she be doing there?
Slotter: She’s looking for us. She knew I was collecting goo. (beat)
Furtrace, do you have a spell that can bring any of the ‘Pack back to
Furtrace: I don’t know. It depends on how she killed them. If she chopped
off all their heads, I can’t do anything.
Slotter: I don’t think she did, but I was too far away to see. Let’s
go look at the bodies.
Furtrace: Don’t you think she’ll come back?
Slotter: Probably, but she’s far enough away now. We’ll take
a quick look.
Narr: The two made their way back to the clearing where the mangled bodies
of their friends lay twisted and lifeless.
Furtrace: Oh god.
Slotter: I know it’s hard, Furtrace, but we have to look. We have to
figure out if you can bring any of them back. Just think of it as though they’re…playacting.
Furtrace: No, it’s not that, it’s just that they smell bad.
Slotter: (sigh) Come on, little man.
Furtrace: What did I say about calling me little?
Slotter: Just look!
Furtrace: Okay, fine! Hmm… (beat) No, I don’t think I can do
anything. Everyone has damage to a vital organ.
Slotter: Damn. So it’s just us.
Furtrace: So what’s the brilliant plan now?
Slotter: Okay. Well, Molly briefed you guys about the innocence blobs, right?
Furtrace: Yes. You want us to make innocence blobs?
Slotter: Well if her innocence has been sucked out, then we have to give
Furtrace: What are we going to do, throw them at her?
Slotter: Do you have a better idea?
Furtrace: I guess not.
Slotter: Okay. So…how do we do this?
Furtrace: You have the goo?
Slotter: Not any more. I, uh, dropped it when I found everyone else.
Furtrace: Okay, we’re going to have to go back and get more. And lots
Slotter: But Drallus is near there.
Furtrace: We’ll have to lure her away.
Slotter: Can you throw your voice?
Furtrace: Well I’m certainly not going to let her see me.
Slotter: Alright. Let’s do this. Flashpack.
Narr: The two made their way to the Goopy Marsh. When they were close enough,
Furtrace began throwing his voice beyond the Marsh. (cat noises) Eventually,
Drallus left in search of the catman. Collecting the goo was a very involved
process. Not all of the marsh was still soft, and they had to stop periodically
to send Drallus on a wild goose chase. They trudged around the swamp for ages
collecting viable goo. Finally, a month later…
Slotter: Okay, what do we do?
Furtrace: Well, you take about…this much goo…
Slotter: Uh huh…
Furtrace: And roll it into a ball…
Furtrace: Then you roll the rest of the balls…
Furtrace: And then you make them innocent.
Slotter: And how do we do that?
Furtrace: You have to put them in a circle and be in the middle. Then you
do innocent things in the middle of the circle.
Slotter: Innocent things? Like not lying?
Furtrace: Like, childlike things.
Slotter: Oy. Okay, any ideas?
Narr: The little catman produced, seemingly out of nowhere, his little bag
Slotter: What have you got in there?
Furtrace: Let’s see…my spell book…that magic dust you gave
me…a ball of yarn…
Slotter: That’s it!
Furtrace: My yarn?
Slotter: Give it to me.
Narr: Slotter unrolled a long piece of yarn and fastened one of her earrings
to the middle to weigh it down slightly. She and Furtrace finished arranging
the blobs of goo in a circle, and then Slotter tossed the ball of yarn in
the middle. Instinctively, Furtrace jumped into the circle after it. He lay
on his back flipping the ball of yarn up in the air and chased it around the
circle. Slotter stepped into the circle and started skipping with her makeshift
jump rope. After a couple minutes, the blobs lost the mucky green color they
had and began turning translucent.
Furtrace: That’s it! We did it!
Slotter: Are you sure that’s enough? Are you sure they don’t
have to be completely transparent?
Furtrace: How would we see them? Besides, let me see your videophone again.
(beat) See? Drallus is on her way back. I think we should hide.
Slotter: Okay, gather them up. We’ll go behind these trees.
Narr: The two picked up their innocence blobs and hid behind two large trees.
Before long, Drallus came down the path with fire in her eyes. When she was
in front of them, Slotter and Furtrace jumped out and started pelting her
with their innocence blobs.
Drallus: Hey! What the-?
Slotter: Keep throwing, Furtrace!
Drallus: Why I’ll kill both of you!
Furtrace: It’s not working!
Slotter: Knock her down!
Narr: Furtrace ran under Drallus’s feet, confusing her and turning
her around. Slotter ran up behind her and pushed her roughly to the ground.
She stood over her, her foot pinning Drallus to the ground by the neck, and
threw the few remaining innocence blobs into her back.
Drallus: (normal again, just choking because Slotter’s foot is on her
neck) Jill! (choke) Jill! Let me up!
Furtrace: I don’t know. Her eyes look less scary.
Drallus: (still struggling) Yes. For the love of mercury, let me up!
Slotter: Promise you won’t kill me?
Drallus: What!? No, no I promise, but you’ve got to help me.
Furtrace: You’re hurting her!
Slotter: She was evil, remember?
Drallus: Please, Jill, I’m fine now, I promise.
Slotter: That’s what evil Drallus would say.
Drallus: (choking) Please…
Narr: Slotter slowly lifted her foot and let Drallus sit up, rubbing her
Slotter: (skeptical) How do you feel? More innocent?
Furtrace: Not too innocent, I hope.
Drallus: Better. Thanks, guys. I can’t believe what happened. Oh Jill,
I’ve done something awful.
Slotter: No kidding. We saw.
Drallus: Thank the gods you weren’t there. It wasn’t my fault,
Slotter, he – he brainwashed me or something.
Slotter: Wait, what? Who did what?
Drallus: William. He sucked my innocence away.
Slotter: What!? Sir Lord William Esq. III or whatever?
Drallus: That’s him.
Slotter: So he must be half Vampiros?
Slotter: Well he didn’t suck your blood. He’s probably half.
Drallus: This is terrible! What do we do? Furtrace, can you bring them back?
Furtrace: I could try for you, Drallus.
Slotter: Jeez, she’s back one minute and he goes dopey again. No, Drallus,
he can’t bring them back. We tried. Everyone’s vital organs are
Drallus: Oh yeah…that was pretty messed up I guess.
Slotter: Yeah, I guess.
Drallus: So what do we do? We’ve got to do something.
Slotter: I know. And I would have a brilliant plan except for one thing.
Furtrace: What’s that?
Slotter: We’d need to have all the bodies intact.
Drallus: The Vampiros will take care of that.
Slotter: What do you mean?
Drallus: Don’t you remember? They preserve our bodies in the History
Museum in the future.
Slotter: Of course! Then in that case, I have a brilliant plan.
Drallus: Well what is it?
Slotter: We have to go see Julie.
Narr: What is Slotter’s ingenious plan? Is Sir Lord William Esq. III
or whatever really half Vampiros? Will the Flashpack live again? Tune in for
next week’s thrilling episode, Into the Light.