Characters:
Narrator
Keane
Slotter
Max
Drallus
Molly
Furtrace
Jimmy
Sir William
Lucien
Calliope
Quincy
Numerous One-Shot Vampiros

Narrator: Having dispensed with the Master Archivist of 4044, the Flashpack now had a list of dozens of historically important Vampiros, and began a blitz across time and space, Keane finding the where and the when, Slotter’s watch guiding them there, and the Vampirosian Time Guard hot on their trail.

Keane: Amleth Amlethson, Denmark, 1700!

Slotter: Norway, 1700!

Amleth: (probably Scandanavian, but who cares?) Who are you?! (blaster fire)

Max: Your certain doom, monster!

Keane: Max, you already killed him!

Max: (sheepish) Oh yeah.

Drallus: Enough talk! Who’s next?

Keane: Yi Kang, China, 1971!

Slotter: (slightly winded) China, 1971!

Yi Kang: (Chinese? Does it Matter?) What the – (crunching of organs)

Molly: Nice shot, Drallus!

Drallus: Thanks. It’s all in the shoulders.

Keane: Next one is Brafo Wiredu, Ghana, 2106!

Slotter: (A little more exhausted) Ghana, 2106!

Brafo Wiredu: (French African) The Flahspack, right?

Furtrace: (cat noises, followed by explosion)

Jimmy: Hey, that one recognized us.

Max: I guess the Time Guard is starting to warn people in the past; we may not be able to get many more this easily. We need to hurry! Keane, where’s the next target?

Keane: The next target is – (weird science noise, like when something breaks) What the heck? The list is gone!

Molly: What do you mean, Sara? I thought you uploaded it into your info-glasses.

Keane: I did. Maybe it got deleted by accident. Quick, can you retrieve it?

Molly: Let me see. (*Science Noises!*) No, according to this it never got uploaded.

Drallus: But how is that possible? We’ve done all this time traveling.

Slotter: (now openly panting) The Time Guard must have paradoxed the list out of existence!

Max: Rings of Uranus! Then all our work was undone?

Slotter: I don’t think so, but it means we can’t access it any further. That means we’ll need a new way to find famous Vampiros before they’re ruling the future.

Jimmy: That’s gonna be tough. Who in the timestream knows about the Vampiros and can travel through time?

Keane: (timidly) Well, there’s Sir William…

Max: The Cavalier Chrononaut! Of course! Great thinking, Keane!

Molly: Yeah, way to go. Bet that was hard to think of.

Keane: What’s that suppose to mean?

Jimmy: But how can we find him? Where do we go to look for a 17th century English time-traveler?

Furtrace: Didn’t we last see him fighting Vampiros in 3939?

Molly: Hey, yeah! We could go back to the moment after we left, swipe him out of the Vampiros’ clutches and get help from there!

Max: Sounds like a plan. Let’s do it!

Keane: Draculograd, 3939!

Slotter: (still tired) This is really exhausting.

Narrator: One jump through time later found the intrepid Flashpack in the dreaded Vampiro city of the future, tall morose buildings overlooking a world drained of joy or innocence. On top of the Drang (long ‘a’) Building, Sir William Alfred Whickersham, 14th Lord Duke of Blackmoor, formerly known as the Greater North Sea continent of Britain, battled a squad of the horrific Vampiros.

Max: Let’s go even the odds, gang! Flashpack!

All: Flashpack!

Narrator: One laser battle later…

William: Sara! What are you and your friends doing here? You just left!

Keane: Actually, William, we’ve been gone for nearly two months of our time. It’s… good to see you again.

William: Ah. You as well, Sara.

Max: We don’t have much time. We need to get you out of here. Slotter! How long away can you get us?

Slotter: 1990, 1985 maybe?

Max: Make it happen. Let’s go, milord!

William: Gladly.

Molly: Woah! Where are we?

Keane: From the posters on the walls, I’d say 1985 to 92. Good job, Slotter.

Furtrace: She passed out. Probably all the Time-Stepping.

Narrator: Drallus knelt down by Slotter, arms that could bench-press Quebec gently lifting her head to slide a port-a-cushion under. Around the Flashpack was what looked like a closed nightclub. Posters, bumper stickers and decals littered almost every inch of wall, ceiling or floor. To one side was a bar and, at the back wall, a stage.

William: So, what can I do for the illustrious Flashpack?

Drallus: We need to know about important Vampiros. Who can we take out?

William: Over the centuries there are many important Vampiros. Can you be more specific?

Molly: They’d need to be very high-profile.

Keane: With as many progeny as possible. The more we can take out with a single stroke, the better.

Max: To say nothing of powerful. One less Vampiro to fight later.

Jimmy: Maybe it should be near to now, too. Our Time-Stepper can’t take any more long jumps for a little while.

William: That would leave the Bluthags, then. (Umlauts over u, a)

Keane: The what in the who now?

William: Lucien and Calliope Bluthag. They were turned in the mid 1990s, very powerful and dangerous. By the 3500s they were practically running the Vampirosian Empire.

Max: By the Pink Rod of Submission! Exactly the ones we need to stop!

Molly: Definitely. I can probably locate them in the present using a Seeking Eye.

Jimmy: Can you build one from what we’ve got now?

Molly: I’ve done it with less. Hey, Furtrace, hand me that cocktail glass?

Narrator: Constructing the Seeking Eye was simplicity itself for the Master Mechanic, and soon Molly had their immediate physical location.

Molly: Venice, Italy. A bookstore, I think.

Max: Sounds good. Let’s do it!

Keane: I can probably get us all there in one jump.

William: I should probably stay here, with Slotter. She may be found by locals.

Max: Good thinking, Sir William. Let’s go, gang!

Narrator: Picoseconds later, in beautiful Venice, Italy, the Flashpack found themselves in the back of San Giovanni’s Rare Books. The musty smell of vellum and parchment lay heavily among the ancient tomes.

Drallus: Where are those jackasses?

Furtrace: Probably in the front. One spell-bolt should take care of –

Lucien: You won’t be taking care of anything, Flashpack!

Calliope: Except, perhaps, your tragic demise.

Narrator: Out of the shadows stepped two sinister Vampiros, hand in hand. Their sinister eyes and skeletal frames were draped with the nigh-invulnerable black cloaks of the High Lords of the Empire. The male’s face was manic with sadistic glee; the female’s icily smirking.

Max: Sweet Dicky Feynman!

Molly: You were already turned!

Calliope: Idiots. We followed you here across time to avenge ourselves…prematurely.

Drallus: Then get ready to STAY dead, jerkass.

Narrator: Drallus rushed at Lucien, her hands clenched into mighty fists. The Dread Lord scoffed, flicking her aside with a wave of his arm. (smash of rocks, splash into water) The rest of the ‘pack watched as their team’s powerhouse flew into the Canal.

Lucien: Who’s next? I’ve been undying to do this!

Keane: Suck laser, monster! (blasts of energy)

Molly: Keane, don’t! Your laser isn’t powerful enough to get through those cloaks.

Furtrace: I’ll take care of that! (cat yowls, cut off by Calliope’s muttering and a muffled yelp)

Calliope: You don’t think a throw-rug-in-training can defeat the Master Magician of 3650, do you?

Narrator: Furtrace, naked and furless, huddled in a corner, too humiliated to respond. This humiliation was compounded by Drallus’ reappearance, dripping wet and fighting mad.

Calliope: As for the rest of you… (she mutters again, retching sounds)

Jimmy: (weakly) Oh gods, was that my lung?

Molly: Her magic is too powerful! We need another way!

Lucien: Surrender comes immediately to mind. Say your prayers, Flashpack!

Narrator: As Calliope’s magic began to take hold of the Flashpack’s organs once again, Slotter suddenly appeared, looking refreshed and wily.

Slotter: So long, punks.

Narrator: The ‘pack found themselves back in the club, now with a band setting up to practice.

Keane: Who are they?

Slotter: That’s Crash, Slam, and Quincy. They’re performing here tonight.

Molly: Why are you letting them see us?

Slotter: No, it’s cool. They think we’re just drug-induced hallucinations.

Quincy: Hey, she’s back! Righteous!

Slotter: Rock on, Quincy!

Max: Where’s Sir William?

Slotter: When I woke up, he told me where you were and left. From there it was easy. Who were THOSE clowns?

Molly: Lucien and Calliope. They’re big deal Vampiros. We may not have much time before they – (*SCIENCE NOISE!*) Darn.

Lucien: Nice try, Flashpack! We’ve cornered you now!

Max: We won’t go that easily, you vicious vampiric … Vampiros!

Calliope: With comebacks like that, I imagine you will.

Lucien: It’s almost unfair, beloved; they’re hardly worth the time.

Calliope: Hmm…you make a good point, darling. We should give them at least a sporting chance.

Slotter: Uh, hey, people you’re talking about, right here.

Lucien: My thoughts precisely, dear.

Calliope: Cryptogs?

Lucien: (maniacal laugh) Cryptogs. So long, Flashpack! (*SCIENCE NOISE!*)

(beat)

Jimmy: I bite, anyone know what a Cryptog is?

Drallus: It doesn’t seem like there’s anyone new here… (alarm)

Molly: The Dangerometer indicates a spike of almost 10 MegaPerils in 2006!

Max: We need to get there fast!

Slotter: Everyone join hands!

Quincy: Righteous!

Narrator: What kind of menace can be 10 MegaPerils of danger? Who are the Cryptogs? The adventure continues in Epic Echoes: "A Web of Electronic Information."