Buck & Jane
A Death in the Family
Decker & Hayes
Epic Echoes
The Great Muppet Debate
Guard Duty
Like Mother, Like Daughter
Stage Blood



Epic Echoes, Series 3
Episode 8 - Vampiros of the Deep

By Lyn Nelson

Sailors 1 & 2

Narr: With a quick zap of light undetectable to the public of the past, the Flashpack found themselves in the middle of a quaint Italian quarter in Gioiosa Ionica of 1613.

Molly: Where to, Max?

Max: To the port. Keane, can you get a visual of the area on your infoglasses?

Keane: Affirmative. About half a mile this way!

Narr: The ‘Pack ran to the Marina di Gioiosa Ionica where they came upon a hopping port full of sailors and seafood. Furtrace’s eyes went wide.

Furtrace: Yeow! (happy cat noises)

Slotter: Ah, ah, ah, little man. We’ve got Vampiros to squash like bugs.

Furtrace: Forget bugs! There’s tuna, and shrimps, and salmon, and-

Keane: Furtrace! Focus!

Furtrace: Fine! I have willpower, leave me alone!

Max: Okay, we need to locate the Marina Office. Keane?

Keane: There is a small house down by the water and past that line of boats.

Max: Okay. Let’s take stock of what we know. Molly?

Molly: The Vampiros who has taken charge of this port is Alabaster Khartoff. He has been draining the port’s income and sharing it with his fellow Vampiros.

Jimmy: He is the leader of a ring of Vampiros who have seized the Mediterranean ports in order to drain their assets, rendering the Italian economy at this point in the century stagnant.

Keane: As a result, Italy contributes minimally to the Enlightenment. The Italians produce fabulous art, but cannot finance any sort of advance in technology for at least half a century.

Slotter: As far as we know, the Vampiros are not draining the innocence from the sailors who bring in the goods. Their innocence drives them to do what they enjoy, which is fishing.

Furtrace: (muttering) Yeah well, it’s fun. They should enjoy it.

Max: Okay, ‘Pack, this is a major opportunity. If we can kill Khartoff, the chain of command will be broken, and the Vampiros will no longer have control of the Mediterranean ports.

Molly: But how do we do it, Max?

Max: Yeah, we need to figure that part out.

Keane: Could we go back in time to when he took over and stop him?

Drallus: Can’t we come up with something more original and fun?

Slotter: Besides, we’re not exactly sure when he started the plot with the other Vampiros. We might stop him, but someone else could take over. Then we’d be hopping all over time stopping each one of them as they took up leadership of the ports.

Max: It has to be something now. Now that the chain of command is established among them, getting rid of the mastermind will make the whole operation break down.

Molly: Well, there are a lot of people around. Though we can’t be sure if they are fearful of the Vampiros or if they have taken this all in stride.

Drallus: That’s true, we don’t even know if they know that the Vampiros are keeping the port’s income.

Jimmy: We’re going to take care of this without the help of the sailors.

Slotter: What about drowning?

Max: Not a bad idea, Slotter. But how would we go about it?

Molly: Well, someone would have to lure him down to the water. It’s actually a great idea. We might be able to keep everyone from seeing it happen if we lure him far enough away from the main port activity.

Keane: The question is, do we use my teleporter to move him to a spot on the port, Max’s glamour ability to fool him into following us, or some weird "lure-o-meter" that you invent out of gum and paperclips?

Slotter: As long as it’s not my rubber bands, you can use what you like.

Max: Well we shouldn’t waste a teleport on this.

Molly: And I appreciate your confidence in my science abilities, but I’m not sure what a lure-o-meter is?

Slotter: Well what would bother Khartoff enough to make him go down to the port?

Sailor 1: Cat!

Sailor 2: Get out of there! You’ll ruin the stock!

Sailor 1: Shoo! Go away!

Slotter: Hey, that’s not a bad idea! Furtrace, what if you…Furtrace?

Jimmy: I think that’s who they’re yelling at.

Narr: Indeed, Furtrace’s desire to munch on some newly caught delicacies had overshadowed his sense of duty. To the dismay of the sailors, and Khartoff, the little catman found himself on his back in a huge pile of fish on one of the boats, chowing down. Keane checked her infoglasses.

Keane: Khartoff is leaving the Marina Office.

Jimmy: Looks like he’s solved the problem for us.

Max: Almost. Let’s go, gang. Down to that boat!

Narr: The ‘Pack beat feet to the boat where Furtrace was flipping about. His eyes got wide as they approached.

Furtrace: I’m sorry Max, I couldn’t help myself, all the little fishies looked so delicious!

Max: (quietly) It’s okay, Furtrace, quiet down. You actually solved our problem for us. When I say, jump out of the boat and go with Molly and Drallus.

Furtrace: Oh boy! I mean, okay!

Molly: Oh gods.

Narr: Max leaned into the boat and held his hand up over a fish that was flipping around near the edge of the boat.

Max: Now!

Narr: Furtrace hopped out of the boat, but by the time Khartoff arrived it looked to him as though the catman was still happily scampering about the boat.

Khartoff: Get out of that boat, you mangy animal!

Max: Drallus!

Narr: Drallus ran at the Vampiros and planted the soles of her feet into his back, knocking him over and plunging him into the water. Using the incredible strength in her legs and the momentum she’d built up running, she forced him down to the bottom of the water, mooshing his face into the sand with one foot. She was wearing a makeshift oxygen tube made of – yep, you guessed it – some gum and exactly three paperclips so that she could breathe while she held the Vampiros under water. When the bubbles stopped emerging from his mouth, she resurfaced.

Furtrace: That was incredible!

Keane: We should beat it before people start asking too many questions.

Slotter: No one seems particularly upset.

Narr: In fact, the sailors all seemed to be giving the ‘Pack a standing ovation.

Drallus: Thank you, thank you my adoring crowd.

Max: All the same, we need to get going. We need to get to the Master Archivist, remember?

Slotter: Alright, everyone – hands! Destination: 4044.

Narr: In a flash of light just as undetectable as the first, the group disappeared into thin air. They reappeared in a sleek building made of glass and shiny metal.

Jimmy: Spot on, Slotter!

Slotter: Is this his library?

Jimmy: It certainly is, the whole building.

Max: Its walls have infinite expansion so that he can continue to fill it with historical information until infinity.

Molly: That’s strange.

Drallus: What is it, Molly?

Molly: I just found these in my tool belt, but I’ve never had them before. I’ve never even seen them before.

Keane: They look like infoglasses?

Molly: But they’re not. Here, there’s an inscription…MPG. What could that mean?

Furtrace: Let me see.

Narr: Molly handed the catman her new goggles. He ran his paws over the ear pieces and found a secret button panel on the inside of the left one. He pressed a few of the buttons and put on the goggles.

Furtrace: Madness Proof Goggles.

Jimmy: Neat!

Keane: Where did they come from?

Furtrace: I can’t tell.

Molly: Let me see. (beat) Ooooh, cool.

Max: We must have already reversed Italy’s economic problems and helped them advance the Earth’s technology earlier in history. In that reality, it seems they contributed Madness Proof Goggles to Science.

Keane: All that time and effort and all they give the universe is Madness Proof Goggles? What do they do, anyway?

Jimmy: Can I see?

Molly: Sure, but be careful.

Max: Okay, guys, I’m sure those will come in handy, but right now we have to find the Master Archivist and get his help! Flashpack!

All but Jimmy: Flashpack!

Max: Keane, where is he?

Keane: Down this corridor and up three floors. The history of Mormonia from 3300-3900.

Narr: The ‘Pack only got a few yards down the hall before they realized they didn’t have their youngest member.

Max: (yelling down the hall) Jimmy! We’ll figure out the Madness Proof Goggles later!

Jimmy: No, it’s not that!

Molly: What’s wrong?

Jimmy: I can’t find the map!

Drallus: The map of the tunnels in World War II Italy?

Jimmy: Yeah! I must have dropped it back at the port.

Max: Don’t feel bad, Jimmy, I’m sure we can retrieve it. But for now we have to go find the Master Archivist!

Jimmy: Maybe if I just look here…

Keane: Oh for crying cryptogs, let’s just leave him. He’ll catch up when he’s done playing.

Slotter: Keane! You didn’t mean that.

Keane: We’ll see.

Slotter: Jimmy!

Narr: Max was mistaken, however, for back at the port in 1613, a flash of purple lightning struck the sky.

Lucien: Well well well, my dear. What have we here?

Calliope: A map! My, how useful. I’m sure the intrepid Max Thornfield will miss this.

Both: (evil cackling)

Narr: Back in the Library of Every Archive Ever, the entire ‘Pack was headed up to the third floor, unaware of the unknown enemy on their trail. They stumbled into the room of the History of Mormonia from 3300-3900 to find a small man with his back to them holding a magnifying glass to a book.

Max: Sir?

Archivist: Yes? Who’s there?

Max: I am Max Thornfield, Sir, and this is the Flashpack.

Archivist: Ah yes, the Flashpack. I’ve heard so much about you. Do come in. To what do I owe the pleasure?

Max: We are on a mission to wipe out the Vampiros race, sir. And we need your help. We’ve been identifying the Vampiros that we could, but it’s taking a lot of time to identify and kill each one. And we know we’re missing the really important ones.

Archivist: I see. And you want access to my extensive history on the Vampiros so you can identify the important Vampiros and eliminate them? A noble and worthy cause indeed. Come, I will give you the key to my Vampiros archives.

Molly: (a little taken aback, that was really easy) Well gee. Thanks, sir.

Archivist: Think nothing of it. I’m afraid I’m bogged down in appending the recent history of Mormonia, so I can’t accompany you. But here is a chip with the map of my library; you can load it into your infoglasses. Follow it to the Vampiros Archive Room and use this key in the door.

Slotter: Thanks a lot!

Narr: Keane loaded the library’s guidance system chip and led the ‘Pack down winding hallways and through elevators until they finally found the smooth steel door labeled "Vampiros Archives."

Molly: Just one room for the entire history of the Vampiros?

Jimmy: What a room it must be. It could be expanded to infinity!

Max: Alright guys, we will probably have to split up to find what we’re looking for. But let’s do it as quickly as possible. Behind this door lies the key to the destruction of the entire Vampiros race. (beat) Flashpack.

All: Flashpack!

Narr: Max inserted the key into the lock, which took hold of the key and turned it by itself. The large door swung open and an excited Flashpack poked their heads in. To their horror, they were not confronted with written or electro-archives on the Vampiros. Instead, they found themselves in a room filled with holo-logs of all the most important Vampiros.

Molly: Look out!

Narr: No sooner had they entered then the holo-logged Vampiros began closing in on them. Luckily…

Furtrace: (cat magic noises)

Narr: Furtrace knew a spell that froze holo-logs.

Furtrace: I know a spell that freezes holo-logs.

Jimmy: No kidding?

Keane: Good thing, too. Holo-logs of beings are almost as vicious as the beings themselves.

Molly: Why would the Master Archivist of 4044 be harboring dangerous holo-logs of Vampiros?

Furtrace: There’s only one reason to save holo-logs.

Slotter: To preserve the power of fallen comrades.

Jimmy: He’s…he’s one of them?

Max: Certainly not originally. But he must have been turned.

Archivist: (over an intercom) You think you’re so clever, Flashpack? All you’re doing is preserving their powers for me. I’ll come down there and unfreeze them myself.

Furtrace: Oh my goodness! Don’t come down here with a spell to destroy us!!

Archivist: (cackle) Try to escape, Flashpack, and see if my doors let you. (intercom clicks off)

Max: Furtrace, what are you doing!? He’s on his way down here now, and thanks to you he’s probably coming armed with a Flashpack destruction spell!

Furtrace: Oh there’s no such thing.

Max: Okay, he’s coming here with a destruction spell.

Furtrace: That’s true.

Slotter: Are you out of your tail, fuzzbrain? You’ll get us all killed!

Furtrace: Just get behind me, and trust me.

Narr: Seconds later the Master Archivist of 4044 came flying – well, moving quickly for an old man – through the doorway. He pulled his arm back and hurled a beam of light directly at the ‘Pack. Furtrace whipped out a small shiny object and held it up. The beam of light crashed into Furtrace’s object, shattering it, and rebounded toward the Archivist, knocking him to the ground. The ‘Pack watched as, within seconds, the Archivist had dissolved to dust on the floor.

Keane: What in the universe was that?

Furtrace: (sad) My magic mirror.

Molly: You had a mirror that could reflect spells upon their casters, and you never used it?!

Furtrace: It’s one use only, see? Using it destroyed it. I was saving it for the right time.

Max: Well that was fast thinking. I’m sorry we doubted you. But now how do we figure out what Vampiros to track down? We can’t bring all these frozen holo-logs with us everywhere we go!

Keane: No, but I can scan them all into my infoglasses and we can track them from there.

Molly: And now that they’re frozen I can shatter them with this.

Narr: As Keane scanned each holo-log into her infoglasses, Molly sprayed each one with her portable liquid nitrogen. She used her entire supply, but she successfully shattered each one, leaving behind only shards of the holo-logs and the dust of the Master Archivist. Will the Flashpack successfully track down all the Vampiros? Tune in next week as Epic Echoes continues with "Time after Time."

Go to Episode 9