Characters:
Narrator
The Stallion
The Jack
Dr. Fast
Broadband
Peaseblossom
Mr. Fahrenheit
Ocean Man
Voodoo Lady
Captain Fantasy
Binary Girl

Narr: The Earth Guard - the planet's most powerful heroes united in the common goal of protecting the innocent people of planet Earth and defending them from threats of all kinds. From the Guard Tower, their base of operations, they watch over the citizens and spring into action at any sign of danger. To that end, the Guard take shifts monitoring events all over the globe. Sooner or later, they all have to take a shift of… Guard Duty. This week: The Earth Guard in "In Favor and Out."

(The Earth Guard are having an emergency meeting. All the heroes are there except Ocean Man. There is a general milling about and chatting going on. After a moment...)

Stallion: All right, attention everyone. I believe everyone is here now, except Ocean Man. ... Oh, and Broadband. Does anyone know where Broadband is?

BB: Oh, I came in person, left the unit at home. There were some things I needed to check out on the Brainframe, so I figured-

Stallion: That's fine, thank you. Thank you all for coming. I called you all here to discuss the... allegations that have just been raised by Ron Reilly of the password. Now, normally I wouldn't give anything he said a second thought, but considering the nature of his claims-

PB: This is ridiculous! A mockery! That you would take his word o'er such as me! How monstrous-

Stallion: It's not about you, Peaseblossom.

PB: Oh. Well. Then I rescind my outraged words.

Stallion: If any of you were watching Reilly's interview with Frank Allen, you know what I'm talking about. Ocean Man. Reilly has, apparently, spoken with the Mollusk-

Jack: With a telepathic starfish!

Stallion: Jack- ...And the Mollusk has said that he is the King of Atlantis. That Ocean Man has been lying to us all this time.

(Voodoo Lady laughs)

BG: (both) Why would he lie about it?

BB: It would explain a few things.

DF: Of course. It makes perfect sense.

CF: Huh. I had always wondered about him being-

(The door opens and Ocean Man comes in.)

OM: Sorry I'm late. General Mantrace had the city on alert since Calivar put that bounty on my head, I had to wait until the all-clear before I could... could...

(pause)

OM: (secret ID voice) Eh, screw it. I ain't no King.

VL: (laughs, then...) heh... sorry.

Stallion: So, it's true?

OM: Well, yeah, man, it's true, but you gotta let me tell my side of the story, like. You know, I didn't set out to lie to nobody, people just kept... they had all these expectations, you know? People started asking me about Atlantis, and you can only be asked so many times before it drives you crazy and you gotta start saying yes!

Stallion: So, rather than correct people, you decided to lie about it?

OM: Hey man, you don't even remember that I don't talk to fish. I started out just letting people believe what they wanted, but eventually, yeah, I had to lie. And once it started, they just kept getting more and more big, you know? I had to keep adding things- generals, dissidents, rebellions, cabinets, committees, armies-

MF: Wait a minute! So does this mean there aren't any mermaids?

OM: Uh... Sorry, man...

MF: You fricking traitor!

BG: (both) So, what about what the Mollusk said? Did he really communicate with you with that shell?

OM: Now, look, man, by that point it was too late- I couldn't let the truth get out, what would everyone think of me?

BB: Well, you didn't actually stave off that question. You just pushed it back a little.

Stallion: Did you have any help keeping this from us? Did anyone else know your secret?

DF: I did.

OM: What?

CF: He told you he wasn't the King of Atlantis?

DF: No, there was no need. When one is as smart as-

Jack: Did you know it know it, or did you know it in that way where you think at super speed and therefore at some point have thought about every possible thing that could ever happen?

DF: ... Well...

Stallion: Did anyone else know?

(pause)

OM: No. I never told no one.

Stallion: All right then. I propose that Ocean Man be kicked out of the Earth Guard.

OM: What? Now wait-

MF: Second.

OM: Please, guys, you've got to understand- I had no choice-

Stallion: I'm going to have to ask you to step outside while we make our decision.

OM: Wait, I... Ok. Ok, just... (dejected, serious) I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I'm sorry I lied. My name... my name is Kyle Johnson. I'm from Detroit. I got my powers working in a nuclear power plant; there was an accident with the coolant water... Since then I can control all water, and I can turn my body into water. My neighborhood... it sucks, it's terrible. I just wanted to make a difference. I'll... I'll be outside when you need me. It's... been an honor knowing you all.

(he leaves)

Stallion: We vote. All in favor of kicking him off the team-

BB: Now, hold on one minute! We haven't even discussed it yet!

Stallion: Why would we need to? He's been lying to us. It's clear what we need to do.

Jack: No it isn't! There's no way I'm going to vote him off the team!

MF: He lied to us!

BG: (both) But that doesn't make him less of a good person. He's a hero.

CF: He has saved the world on multiple occasions. When Lady Luna took the moon out of orbit, he's the only reason there weren't massive floods all around the world.

VL: Ooo, I remember that! He was in the hospital for weeks after that, in a bucket!

Stallion: Yes, and once, Suspiria helped stop the Jovian Gas Lord invasion, but I'm not going to have her on the team either.

BB: Is that fair? She's murdered people in cold blood.

Jack: Yeah, there's no real harm done here.

MF: Tell that to my non-existent mermaids!

DF: Jack, if nothing else, he's compromised us by withholding information. Even if we were to say his lying originally did no harm-

Stallion: Which I wouldn't say.

DF: But even if we did, once the Mollusk communicated with him, he had an obligation to bring that information to us.

Stallion: You said yourself, we could have fought Mollusk much better if we'd known his motivations.

PB: But who among us never made mistakes? Have none of you a single fault or flaw? Ocean Man lied- that was his choice to make- but grant reprieve; he'll make amends for all.

BG:(both) Pease is right. We all have our secrets, and we've all screwed up. He deserves a second chance.

VL: On the other hand, this secret might have cost people's lives. I mean, if Peaseblossom really was gay, for instance,

PB: I beg your pardon-

VL: - that wouldn't hurt anyone. People got hurt in Baltimore.

Jack: And every time Goblin Girl wants revenge on you, so she kills a shopping mall full of tourists?

VL: It's different.

MF: He was lying to us to cover his own butt! It was completely selfish!

CF: Being the only person in the room who actually knows what goes on in his teammates' heads, let me just say, if you want to know who among us is completely selfish and who isn't, I can tell you. Ocean Man isn't one of them.

Stallion: This is getting us nowhere. We clearly have our own opinions on the matter. We're going to take a vote. I say he goes.

Jack: And I say he stays. He's a good person. I know it.

CF: Not as well as I do. He stays.

MF: Forget it. He's out. How can I ever trust him again?

VL: I hate to say it, but I agree. We need to know we can depend on him when lives are on the line, not just when it goes with his story.

PB: The story is no more. I say he stays. He has proven himself time and again.

BG: (Both) I'm with Peaseblossom. On this issue. Er... (she re-merges) That only counts as one vote. Doctor?

DF: I have to say, I'd be inclined to say he stays, if not for the fact that he deliberately withheld information about one of our most dangerous foes. I remember the day with the conch... if it all could have ended there... I say he goes.

Stallion: That's four and... four. Someone hasn't voted.

BB: Ah... that would be me.

(pause)

Stallion: Well?

BB: It's not so simple as all that. It's a big decision. The man's a hero, that much is clear. Regardless of any... misleading information he gave us, he's done a lot of good in the world, and... apparently, he's only human. But should heroes... should people like us be held to a higher standard? Not to mention that regardless of what we decide, his credibility with the public is going to be destroyed...

MF: Come on, old man, make your decision.

BB: Well, I... I suppose that... I'd have to say-

(the alarm sounds)

OM: (over the comm, back in his "hero" voice) Uh, hey, I know you're in the middle of deciding some important things, but regardless of your decision, I think we're needed- The Mollusk has just attacked the Power House, and considering that that's where almost all of our biggest villains are being held-

Stallion: We're on the job. We'll get back to this later. Everyone to the Horse!

(Everyone starts leaving)

Jack: Let's hit the road!

BG: (splits) Race ya!

CF: I'll meet you there- I brought a Dragon.

MF: I bet mermaids are real in his world...

VL: (laughs) You're pathetic, you know that?

(They are all gone but Broadband.)

BB: Er... so I'll just... wait for you, since I didn't bring the unit... (sigh). Ah well.