Buck & Jane
A Death in the Family
Decker & Hayes
Epic Echoes
The Great Muppet Debate
Guard Duty
Like Mother, Like Daughter
Stage Blood



Guard Duty
Episode 2 - Working Hard or Hardly Working

By Jordan D. White

The Stallion

The Jack

Narr: The Earth Guard - the planet's most powerful heroes united in the common goal of protecting the innocent people of planet Earth and defending them from threats of all kinds. From the Guard Tower, their base of operations, they watch over the citizens and spring into action at any sign of danger. To that end, the Guard take shifts monitoring events all over the globe. Sooner or later, they all have to take a shift of… Guard Duty. This week: The Stallion and Broadband in… "Working Hard or Hardly Working."

Broadband: I'm not saying you're not a great leader-

Stallion: Then why would you undermine my authority right in front of everyone?

Broadband: I know these people. They're my villains; I've fought them for years. They were attacking my building.

Stallion: It doesn't matter. Once the team is in action, I'm in command. If I say to leave Wizzy-Wig to Ocean Man, you do it.

Broadband: If Wizzy-Wig had set off the EMP, I would have been useless, not to mention the hundreds of millions of dollars of projects it would have destroyed in my building.

Stallion: When you're a member of the Earth Guard, the team comes first.

Broadband: Perhaps you've forgotten that without Stanton Enterprises, there is no Earth Guard? Or were you going to move the whole team into the Stable? Because last time I was there, there wasn't nearly room.

Stallion: Let's not forget, I brought you into this team. Just because you fund it doesn't mean you own it. Not all of us can be the heads of billion dollar corporations. Some of us have to work for every last bit of equipment we use.

Broadband: While others among us can spend that energy doing even more good for the world. Just because I'm rich doesn't mean I'm selfish. And just because you're our leader, it doesn't mean you're always right. As far as I'm concerned, you should be thanking me. If I had done what you said, we would've lost the fight.

Stallion: You see? There it is. You think you could lead this group better than I could.

Broadband: That's nonsense.

Stallion: It's not. This isn't an isolated incident.

Broadband: What are you talking about?

Stallion: How about when we fought Suspiria?


Broadband: That's... that was different. We thought she'd taken control of you.

Stallion: But if you'd trusted me, she wouldn't have gotten away.

Broadband: You were telling us to ignore the impending detonation of a nuclear weapon!

Stallion: Because I knew it was a fake!

Broadband: You could have said as much.

Stallion: Or I could have assumed the team I lead would trust my judgement. If I can't count on the team, I'm better off on my own.

Broadband: That isn't fair! Dealing with Suspiria messes with everyone's head- that's what she does.

Stallion: Fine- what about the Creationist?

Broadband: Oh, for Christ's sake.

Stallion: Yes, that's right. I told you to help Foal fight Mudman and the Ribs. It was clear she was outnumbered. She needed help. But, no, you had to-

Broadband: The Serpent virus was our best chance of putting an end to the Creationist for good. As it was, it took him over a year to purge it from his computer system.

Stallion: But he did. He came back, just as deadly as ever. Whereas Foal is just dead.


Broadband: Chuck... Chuck, look, I'm sorry. Tanya was a very special girl. If I could take it back, I would, you know that. But Chuck, that was... that was five years ago.

Stallion: Next week. And no matter how much time passes, she's never coming back.


Broadband: This is stupid. We shouldn't be fighting. We're not really that dissimilar, we two.

(Stallion scoffs)

Broadband: No, really. Here we are, two men in a world full of... God-like beings. All these people with abilities beyond those of mortal men, but we're just... we are those mortal men. But we don't just sit back, we don't just leave the fight to the ones gifted with those powers, we make an effort to rise to the occasion, no matter the cost. You honed your body to become the Stallion, while I honed my mind to create this unit to join the fight as Broadband.

Stallion: And that's where the differences really come out. The difference between someone like you and someone like me. I made a decision based on necessity. My city was falling to crime, and I could not allow that. You just decided, what the heck? Got nothing better to do, why not fight crime? I have to go out every day and put myself on the line, risk my life for what I believe I have to do. You, you make some robot you can send. You get to sit home in your jammies by the fire while Jeeves brings you cocoa and control this hunk of metal by remote. There's never any danger that Robert Stanton will be hurt, just Broadband model 6.5 or whatever you're up to.

Broadband: Right! So, my fight isn't valid because I protect myself! You'd prefer if I'd been decapitated the first time I fought Boulder? That would have been much better - except for the thousands of people I've helped since then. Not to mention the hundreds of nations of people helped by Stanton Enterprises.

Stallion: I see, so because Robert Stanton can help so many people, it's important to protect him, while Chuck Cavallo is a more disposable risk.

Broadband: No, of course not, but all things being equal, I'd rather not die if I can help it. The longer I live, the more help I can do- and the same goes for you, of course.

Stallion: You and I are nothing alike. This is just a hobby for you, something that you intellectually and theoretically think would be nice. But philosophy and idealism are luxuries of the idle rich, luxuries I can't afford. I've got a job to do in the here and now, not in some dream world of the future. There is crime going on everyday, today, right now, and the world needs me here, now, to do whatever is necessary to set it right. So of course, you'd make yourself a little robot toy, working away at it for years, that way, you can see through your plans for the glorious future. Me, everytime I jump into a fight, there's a risk that it's going to be my last. I have to accept that, every foe I face. And I'm willing. I'm willing to die every single day of my life. We couldn't be less alike.

Broadband: We both have the same goal, Chuck, we both want what's best for-

Stallion: But when you make a mistake, you don't pay the price- you're not at risk! You sit in your ivory tower and-

Broadband: But that doesn't make my fight any less-

Stallion: You killed Foal, you bastard! You killed her! You!

Broadband: Chuck-

Stallion: It was your fault! You took Tanya away from me!

Broadband: Chuck, wait, I-

(Stallion begins beating on Broadband's metal body)

Broadband: Chuck, please, just... chuck.... STOP IT!

(The fighting slowly subsides)

Broadband: Chuck... look, I'm sorry. I thought... I thought we were past this. I know Tanya was like a daughter to you, and not a day goes by when I don't think about her. But nothing can change the past. You trained Tanya well, Chuck. I'm sure she... I know she believed in the fight, just like you do. If she got into that fight... I'm sure she was just as willing to die that day as you were.


Broadband: I'll... I'll resign from the Earth Guard. Don't worry, I'll continue to fund it. I know you do good work, I don't want to get in the way of that.


Broadband: I'll gather my things.

(Broadband begins to walk off)

Stallion: Wait. Robert, wait. ... Don't go. It's me. The anniversary coming up, it makes me sensitive. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I shouldn't take it out on you. You didn't... you did what you thought was right, just like she did, and just like... just like I did, when I let her join me as Foal.

Broadband: If I could go back-

Stallion: I know. I know. Come back. Please. Sit.

Broadband: Well, the unit doesn't need to sit, really. It doesn't get tired from standing, I mean. I am sitting.

(Stallion sighs. Pause.)

Stallion: Ocean Man was about to encase the EMP in pure water, and Mr. Fahrenheit was going to freeze the whole mess solid.

(awkward pause)

Broadband: So, did you see Peaseblossom's new outfit?

Stallion: (very blah) No.

Broadband: It's... something. ... Very revealing. ... I guess fairies have no... shame, or embarrassment. ... Or something. ... Pretty unbelievable.

(awkward pause)

Broadband: So, I was talking to Dr. Fast the other day about those anti-grav belts we've been working on. Yeah, he seems to think they could

(Brainframe alarm goes off)

Jack: (over the comm) Calling all cars, calling all cars!

Stallion: Jack. What is your status?

Jack: Well, I'm just hanging around bored, nothing much going on except, of course, The Time Marines!

Broadband: I thought they paradoxed themselves out of existence?

Jack: Well, gee, I'll ask them... as soon as they get back from assassinating Thomas Jefferson.

Stallion: Where are you?

Jack: Old playing card factory in San Fran.

Stallion: Stay put- I repeat, do not pursue. We'll be there in five minutes.

Jack: As opposed to jumping into the timestream alone? Yeah, tell me twice. I was hoping to become my own grandpa. Over and out.

Stallion: Prime the Horse.

Broadband: Already sent out the signal.

Stallion: Attention Earth Guard, we have a priority one emergency- all units report in ASAP. We're on the job.

Go to Episode 3