Characters:
Narr
Max Thornfield
Drallus Thornfield
Molly Singh
Jill Slotter
Sara Keane
Jimmy Kovacs
Stragon
Test Giver
Furtrace Fuzzbotham
Magic Hat
President Smitty
Randal Marsh
Dex
Trooper
Dr. Nektori Stellof

Narr: The Flashpack found themselves struck dumb, standing aghast on a blast-crater pockmarked White House lawn in Washington DC, distraught over their first ever casualty. Team leader Max Thornfield gave a horrified yell as his knees weakened beneath him. Brilliant inventor Molly Singh’s scream caught in her throat as tears seeded in her eyes. All the color raced out of Time Turner Jill Slotter’s face. Youngster Jimmy Kovacs peered in terror between his fingers, his hands over his eyes. Powerhouse Drallus Thornfield and Logician Sara Keane, having just teleported onto the scene, barely had time to realize they were witnessing the death of one of their close friends as my ashes drifted softly on the breeze. All present could scarcely believe that I, Julie Crenshaw, founding member of the Flashpack, had just died… at the Flashpack’s own hands.

Molly: J-…. Julie?

Max: No, we don’t have time! Drallus, Keane, move out of the way! Molly, charge up the blast again, before Stragon gets-

Stragon: A Chronal Alacrity Beam? Did you honestly think that could defeat Stragon the Annihilator? How typical- just another example of your bourgeois Earther attempts to keep down working-class blue-collar planet-annihilators like myself!

Max: Run! Quick- to the Edison Monument!

Narr: The ‘pack broke into a run as Stragon turned his deci-cannon in their direction. Slotter just managed to wrench her time turning watch free from the device and leap clear as the plasma-ball destroyed the weapon Molly and I had hobbled together.

Stragon: Run! Run, you elitist Earther snobs! Flee before the roused ire of the galactic underclass! You cannot escape the fate your own greed has created for you!

Drallus: (running) What’s going on here, Max?

Keane: (running) Was that Julie? Did you just shoot Julie?

Molly: (running, upset) I didn’t mean to! She leapt in front of the beam! She wasn’t supposed to-

Slotter: (running) We were trying to stop Stragon, blast him into dust (like he deserves) when Julie detected you two ‘porting right into the path of the beam. Julie… leapt in front of the gun.

Jimmy: (running) She gave her life saving you!

Keane: (running) Julie? Julie died saving me? No!

Max: (running) She saved both of you, but if we don’t move it, it’s going to all have been for nothing! Quick- get inside the Memorial!

Drallus: You go in- I’ll stay out here and hold him off long enough for you to bang something together.

Max: All right, but be careful!

Drallus: ‘Careful’ is my blogaxy vid-post screenname.

Narr: As the others ran inside, Drallus reached down and tore loose one of the enormous specially treated hunks of marble that made up the stairway into the monument. She shuoldered the Edi-slab as the Planet-Annihilating Stragon flew into view.

Stragon: What do we have here? They left their little bully girl to beat me up with a large rock, did they? As though I’d let some pampered little daughter of the upper-class touch me! Thankfully, I can strike you with my deci-cannon from here without ever having to soil my hands with you, filth. Observe!

Drallus: Batter up!

Narr: As the plasma-ball flew towards her, Drallus swung the massive Edi-slab and smacked the plasmatic projectile directly back at its originator. Sadly, Stragon merely widened the energy matrix around him to cushion the blow, and re-absorbed the burning ammunition into his arsenal.

Stragon: Oh, very good! Nicely done, for a spoiled dilettante! And you think you can keep that up, do you?

Drallus: My batting average is about 850, last time I checked.

Stragon: Ah, baseball- yet another tool for the elite to brainwash the masses into-

Drallus: Your mother was a Floogle!

Stragon: My mother was a saint! You die now!

Narr: While the barrage continued outside, the Flashpack were trying to get a grip on themselves within, surrounded by the works of the most brilliant and prolific mad science inventor/president in the history of the world. The inventor’s likeness looked down on them in the form of a lifelike holo-statue. It was a little creepy.

Max: All right, gang- I know we’re all thrown by the death of Julie, but we’ve got to pull it together! Thomas Edison invented everything from Time travel to space-snorkeling, there’s got to be something in here we can use to take Stragon down! Flash-

Molly: Wait, Max- what about Julie? We’ve got to… got to-

Jimmy: Um, I hate to break it to you Molly… but I don’t think there’s anything we can do for Julie anymore!

Keane: No! There’s got to be something! Julie can’t die for me! She just can’t!

Molly: What about the resurrection machine?

Slotter: She said that was taken from her by a Flashpack of the future in their time of most dire need! I want Julie back as much as anybody- but this is Stragon the Annihilator. One time, I beat him with a rabbit’s foot and a pickle. It’s hardly our most dire.

Keane: But he was less powerful then! Whatever amped him up might be-

Max: (forceful) No. I know Julie- you all know her. If she gave her life for Drallus and Keane, she did it knowingly. She wouldn’t want us to use our only chance at beating death to bring her back unless we know it’s absolutely necessary. Now it’s time to get searching through these inventions- we’ve got an annihilator to stop! Flashpack.

Others (except Keane): Flashpack.

Keane: (panicking) I can’t do it, Max, I can’t do it! Julie was better, so much better at all this! How can I-

Max: Keane! Get a grip on yourself! If you can’t be of any help, just… stay out of our way! We can talk about it later!

Jimmy: Hey, what about this?

Max: What have you got, Jimmy?

Jimmy: It’s a looking portal. Edison invented it in 2245. This one appears to be set to show the deaths of the world’s most famous scientists. It’s showing Edison facing the Balrog now, but look, here’s when Sir Ector Huntingdon spilled deadly chemicals all over himself.

Slotter: Oh, great idea! We can show him boring history lessons until he kills himself!

Jimmy: No, Jill- but look, that’s Huntingdon’s lab. Like I said, it’s a looking portal. This guy’s about to accidentally kill himself. We can just reach through the rim like this and grab anything we-

Molly: Be careful with that!

Jimmy: What?

Molly: Looking portals actually open windows in time! Crossing over opens them! Once you cross the rim of the portal he can see and hear through it as well! We could accidentally rewrite history!

Max: I thought you said he spilled chemicals on himself. He’s just looking around all confused, like he’s-

Slotter: Don’t look now, guys, but Drallus appears to have… well, let’s say she’s having trouble covering things out there!

Max: Leaping leptons, she’s naked!

Molly: The splatter from walloping those plasma-balls must have burned off her clothes!

Slotter: All except that locket she always wears. Is that a birthmark on her-

Jimmy: What? Let me see!

Max: No, Jimmy- Drallus is our friend, show her some respect! It’s bad enough all those passing ships can… DUCK!

Narr: And with that, a Saladonian Catship came smashing through the wall of the Edison Memorial. Max’s warning had saved the ‘pack from any serious injuries; instead they merely found themselves covered in dust and debris. The emergency hatch of the catship popped open, and a human with a clipboard climbed out, followed by a little gray Saladonian Catman.

Test Giver: That’s it! Bad enough you fly us into a supervillain attack, but you crash into a national landmark?!? You absolutely 100% FAIL your flying test!

Furtrace: Come on! That’s not fair! I was distracted by that hot naked lady! What was I supposed to do- NOT look? She was… Oh, my Gods… you’re the Flashpack! Are you people ok?

Molly: Oh we’re fine, except for the SPACE SHIP you CRASHED INTO US!

Furtrace: Well, forgiiiiive me!

Max: Damn it, we’ll never find any working equipment in here now, the place is a shambles!

Jimmy: All I’ve got is the stupid looking portal!

Keane: (really nervous, breathing hard… like a panic attack) Wait… portal…

Max: (annoyed) What? What is it Keane?

Keane: (same) Dr… Josef… Celinski…

Max: What? What are you-

Molly: She’s right! Jimmy- does it have the death of Dr. Josef Celinski?

Jimmy: Um, let me- Yes! Here it is?

Molly: Dr. Celinski was the last living person in the 40th dimension!

Slotter: So what? Does he have something in there we can use to-

Molly: No, there’s nothing we can take out- but we can put something in!

Max: Like Stragon! Good thinking, Keane! But how are we going to get the looking portal up there to him? Maybe Drallus could toss it…?

Furtrace: I can fly it up at him!

Slotter: Uh, thanks kid, but we’ve seen your piloting ability.

Furtrace: I’m not a pilot- I’m a magic user. Furtrace Fuzzbotham, at your service! I can fly it up there all by myself!

Max: Really?

Furtrace: Take a look! (catsounds) See?

Max: Jimmy- give it to him. Here’s what you do…

Narr: Outside, the unclothed Drallus was beginning to tire, much to Stragon’s delight.

Stragon: Give it up, capitalist! You can’t hold out much longer- but with my new power levels, I can go on all-

Max: Game over, Stragon! Drallus is through playing it your way.

Stragon: Ah! The other Thornfield shows his cheese-eating bourgeois pig-face! Any last words before our relationship is at its ultimate end?

Max: No- I just wanted to give you this.

Stragon: What… what is that? Is that a… a diamond? I can’t make it out from up here.

Max: You’ll have to come closer. (cat sounds, far away, growing closer.)

Stragon: Ha! I’ll never fall for that! But, seriously, what have you go there? Is that a- AHHHHH!

Narr: And with that, the little Magic Cat descended from above at hundreds of miles per hour and enveloped the annihilator in the empty fortieth dimension, where he could annihilate as much as he liked. Soon, as the ‘pack somberly helped clean up the wreckage of the fight, one pair of eyes in the crown of onlookers looked-on in dismay and not reverence.

Magic Hat: Curse you, Flashpack! You may have defeated Stragon, but he’s not the only member of your rogues gallery you’ll be facing anew… and soon my ultimate plans will come to glorious fruition! Then, Rita, you will see how powerful I truly am!

Narr: Eventually, when it was clear the danger was over, President Smitty himself was forced to come out of hiding and thank the Flashpack for saving him.

Smitty: I really have no idea why Stragon would think I had anything to do with the Siriusians who enslaved his people, but I thank you for saving me, nonetheless.

Jimmy: With all due respect, Mr. President… you’re as dirty as a Plutonian Mudskipper. If the American people hadn’t elected you fair and square-

Smitty: But they did, kid, and don’t you forget it. Now if you don’t mind…

Drallus: Suck an omlet case, old man!

Marsh: I’m sorry about him, kids. I’m Randal Marsh, senator from-

Jimmy: Massachusettes! Democrat, I know. Nice to meet you!

Marsh: The pleasure is all mine, I’m sure. I’ve been put in charge of the effort to rebuild the capital after Stragon’s attack.

Max: You can count on our help, any way we can, sir.

Slotter: So long as we don’t have to see Smitty much, that is.

Marsh: Thank you for that. I look forward to working with you.

Jimmy: It’s our pleasure, sir! We’ll see you soon!

Slotter: What was that all about?

Jimmy: Are you kidding me? That was Senator Randal Marsh! Totally wrong about the role of federal system in governance, but still, a great guy! Heading the rebuilding will definitely boost him to frontrunner as the democratic candidate next year!

Max: That’s great, Jimmy, but I think we’d better be heading back to Flashpoint- Molly and Keane aren’t looking so good.

Narr: Indeed, the pair both looked terrible. Molly’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, while Keane was twitching spastically, on the borderline between sadness and shock.

Max: Let’s go home, gang.

Narr: But even as the Flashpack whisked their way back home, far away, more trouble was beginning.

Trooper: Sir? We’ve found her.

Dex: Excellent, 8215. And you’re certain it’s her?

Trooper: Confirmed. She’s on… “Earth.”

Dex: “Earth”? Where in the galaxy is that?

Trooper: Outer spiral. Quite a ways from here.

Dex: Fine. Plot a new course. It’s time to expand the empire again.

Narr: Back at Flashpoint, the ‘pack had finally arrived at home, exhausted and ready to pick up the shattered pieces of their team. They didn’t know how they would carry on without me, but they knew they had to try.

Slotter: So… now what?

Molly: Julie… >sniff< Julie wouldn’t have wanted the team to stop…

Drallus: No. We have to earn her sacrifice. Both of us, Keane.

Keane: (still freaked) Ex… excuse me.

Max: It’s not just you two, Drallus- it’s up to all of us. Julie cared about this team, that’s why she did what she did, and we have to show her, wherever she is, that she was right. That the Flashpack really is something worth putting faith in. We have to carry on the legacy of doing what’s right against all odds. It’s what Julie would have done. It’s what she did do.

Steloff: Ah… hello, Flashpack. I am… so sorry for your loss. Miss Crenshaw was… a wonderful person. I will miss her greatly.

Molly: Thank you, Stellof.

Jimmy: Did you hear about it on the news? It must be all over the blogaxy.

Stellof: News? Oh, no. I haven’t been watching the news. Your friend told me.

Slotter: Our… friend?

Stellof: Yes, the-

Drallus: Eww! What got all over my shoes?

Furtrace: Furtrace Fuzzbotham, at your service, Miss Drallus!

Drallus: You… YOU FILTHY CAT!

Furtrace: Cat man! Wheeee!

Max: Can nothing ever be sane around here?

Narr: Sara Keane was wondering the same thing, in the seclusion of her quarters, but for different reasons. She could not fathom why I would sacrifice myself to save her.

Keane: (freaking out, verge of tears) It just doesn’t make any sense! Julie… Julie was so good, so wonderful! I’m nothing! I’m worthless! I’m…

Narr: Suddenly, something caught Keane’s eye: the emotional disrupter they had confiscated from the Desensitizer on Specifon 7. She’d taken it for study, interested in it for academic reasons. Now… it seemed like her only way out. Will Keane recover from the guilt over my death? What empire was expanding towards Earth? Will the ‘Pack rid themselves of Furtrace Fuzzbotham? Who is responsible for bringing back their most infamous foes? Learn more all the time as Epic Echoes continues with "Driven to Distraction”.