Characters:
Narrator
Newsman
Dana Dezago
Interview1-6
Kid
Warren Grant
Attractor
Binary Girl
The Jack
Brainframe
The Stallion
Captain Fantasy
Peaseblossom
Dr. Fast
Mr. Farhenheit
Foal

Narr: The Earth Guard - the planet's most powerful heroes united in the common goal of protecting the innocent people of planet Earth and defending them from threats of all kinds. From the Guard Tower, their base of operations, they watch over the citizens and spring into action at any sign of danger. To that end, the Guard take shifts monitoring events all over the globe. Sooner or later, they all have to take a shift of… Guard Duty. This week: The Earth Guard in "First Strike".

(The guard tower is empty. Let this sit there for a second. Then, keystrokes and the newsfeed suddenly fades in.)

Newsman: …four hours since the Government officially released a statement revealing that the Earth Guard, the planet’s most powerful heroes, have gone on strike. The President has officially declared the strike illegal and unjust, and as the country holds its breath in anticipation of an attack from one of the Earth Guard’s many opponents, popular opinion is overwhelmingly against the Guard. Dana Dezago reports.

Dana: Strike. A method for unionized workers to gain leverage against their management. But when the Earth Guard, America’s only real defense against superhuman threats, goes on strike, the country is left defenseless. The President has called the Guard unpatriotic and has called for an immediate end to the strike. The American People seem to agree.

Interview1: They’re just being selfish. They want, what, free health care? If I don’t get health care, why should they?

Interview2: I don’t know what they expect us to do. We can’t stop their villains ourselves. They’re going to get innocent people killed.

Interview3: Who are they trying to hurt? Because it’s us, the regular people, who are going to suffer because of this, not the bigwigs. Way to go- get John Q. Public killed because of a beef you’ve got with Uncle Sam.

Dana: Yet, even in the face of danger, some cling to the Guard’s heroic image.

Interview4: They have rights, too. It’s completely unconstitutional of this government to declare their strike illegal. The workers have rights, and that’s what the Earth Guard are in this instance. If they feel they’re being mistreated, a strike is their right.

Kid: The Guard wouldn’t abandon us. It’s probably some sort of trick to trap one of the bad guys. Maybe to lure out one of the guys who broke out of the powerhouse yesterday. They won’t let us down.

Dana: Despite these pockets of support, however, the overall feeling is of distrust.

Interview5: How can you be a hero if you put people in the line of fire this way? It’s like some sort of protection racket.

Interview6: I used to be a fan of the Earth Guard, but if they would just betray us like this… they’re not acting like heroes. They’re acting like bullies.

Dana: Mistreated heroes or selfish bullies, one thing is certain- the Earth Guard’s strike has left the country vulnerable to attack, and it may only be a matter of time before the attack comes.

Interview3: Of course they’re going to attack. The villains aren’t stupid. Now that they know the Guard is on strike… they’re going to hit us hard.

Interview5: It’s completely irresponsible of the Guard the Strike like this. They’ve pretty much assured we’re going to get hit by bad guys. They might as well have attacked us themselves.

Dana: This is Dana Dezago for WHRW News. Frank.

Frank: Thank you, Dana. I turn now to Warren Grant, the Earth Guard’s liaison within this administration, a key player in negotiating the Guard’s contract. He comes to us via satellite from Washington, DC. Welcome to the show.

Grant: Thank you for having me.

Frank: Mr. Grant, you were with the Guard when they declared this strike. It was you who was in negotiations with them, correct?

Grant: Yes, I met with The Stallion and Broadband yesterday in a meeting they called to discuss our contracts.

Frank: So what happened in these negotiations to spark the strike?

Grant: In actuality, there were no negotiations. I came to that meeting in good faith, ready to discuss things. The Guard, on the other hand, had already held a secret meeting and decided on the strike. They came to the table with an ultimatum. Where I was willing to negotiate, they were stubborn, unbending. They flat out told me that if I didn’t meet their demands to the letter, they would put our country at risk by going on strike.

Frank: What exactly were they asking for?

Grant: They made demands for a number of costly expenditures. They demanded universal health care, they demanded compensation for wages lost in their secret personal lives. On their word. They won’t tell us who they are, or what these jobs are, but they want us to take their word and compensate them for them.

Frank: Some would argue, as the Guard themselves are, I’m sure, that the service they provide is invaluable, and that these would seem small concessions in return.

Grant: Our country is currently at war, and during wartime, the people need to make sacrifices for the greater good. But here the Earth Guard has decided that they few are more important than the safety and security of our nation. We’re facing record deficits, and they want us to spend more on them? They aren’t the only government program that’s face cutbacks, but they are the only one that feels so self-important as to blackmail our nation. I’m sorry, but I don’t think nine people, no matter how important, are worth putting America at risk.

Frank: So these are benefits the government used to cover?

Grant: When Davis Moore gave the Guard these provisions, he was banking on a surplus that, we have since learned, didn’t arrive. In his willingness to throw tax-payers’ money around, yes, he granted this coverage. But it is a luxury we cannot afford to continue to lavish them with, heroes or no.

Frank: So I take it the government is not planning to give in to the Earth Guard’s demands?

Grant: Under no circumstances. You don’t get your way by breaking the law. We consider this strike completely illegal. We’re not even going to consider negotiating with the Guard again until they call the strike off. Once that is done, we can come back to the table and talk. Otherwise, I’m afraid the Guard has put-

Frank: I’m sorry, Mr. Grant, I have to cut you off there. Thank you for coming. This just in, an attack in White Plains, New York. The villain Attractor, the self-titled Master of Magnetism, appears to have lifted and entire office building into the air. The villain escaped from the Power House yesterday after having being held for only one day. He seems to have grabbed the headquarters of the IT company Information Management Systems and lifted them into the sky above the downtown city-scape. We are, yes, we are now getting a feed from the scene of Attractor himself, from the sky outside the building. Do we have sound on that? We do. Let’s listen…

(keystrokes)

Brainframe: Routing signal to the Jack.

Attractor: … have too long mocked me, but where are your Earth Guard now? They’ve abandoned you, and now… now is the time for my revenge!

Jack: Hello? Hellooooo?

Attractor: I demand one hundred million dollars, or this building and everyone inside it gets smashed into the town hall.

Jack: Jesus!

Attractor: You have one hour. And in the mean time… I will amuse myself with this.

Newsman: Ok, Attractor appears to be pulling someone out of the building… a woman, apprently. Do we have a close-up? Here, it appears to be… an asian woman… it’s not clear what he intends to-

Attractor: This little lady… is named Barbara. Barbara Nibai. Say hello, Barbara.

BG: Let me go, you monster!

Attractor: Of course, you all know Barbara. But perhaps you don’t recognize her. Last time you saw us together, she looked more like this. (SNAP!)

BG: Aaaaaaaaahh!

Newsman: Attractor just broke the woman’s arm with, it looks like, a parking meter.

Attractor: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Binary Girl! Or, half of her, anyway. But, don’t get too attached… this one’s not going to live long.

BG: Do you worst, you filth!

Attractor: Oh, I fully intend to. And there’s not going to be anyone to save you. The police can’t stop me, I’d drop the building, and we both know your friends aren’t going to be showing up any-

Jack: Don’t be so sure, Attractor!

Newsman: The Jack, of the Earth Guard has arrived on the scene…

Attractor: Jack? What are you doing here, you pathetic child?

Jack: Let her go, and turn yourself in!

Attractor: Is that supposed to be a joke?

Jack: I had to give you a chance to do the right thing.

Attractor: You’ve got to be kidding… What do you think you can do here? Even if you could stop me, what? You going to catch the building and the girl yourself?

Jack: I won’t have to. I have faith in the Guard.

(keystrokes)

Brainframe: Routing signal to the Stallion…

Attractor: Hahahaaaahaaa! You’re an idiot, you always have been.

Stallion: Hello? Hello, is anyone there?

Newsman: Oh God, the… Attractor has grabbed the Jack with his magnetic powers, wrapped some metal pieces of the building around his hands and feet…

Stallion: Crap! Guard, Priority A-1 emergency! Get to the Jack and Binary Girl, now! We’re on the job! Move!

Jack: Don’t worry Barbara, I’ll get us out of this…

BG: Yeah, that’s reassuring.

Attractor: Jack, you have got to be the most ridiculous member of the Guard! Without your little balls or tricks, you’ve got nothing! No powers, no super strength, nothing. I don’t even know why they let you on the- AHHHHR!! Bastard!

Newsman: Holy- Attractor has dropped them all! The Jack flicked some sort of… little wooden square into Attractor’s eye, and now the building and the two heroes are- wait! They’re safe! The Earth Guard is on the scene!

PB: Barbara!

DF: You ok, Jack?

Newsman: Dr. Fast has caught the Jack, and Peaseblossom has caught Binary Girl who she… appears to be… kissing… while the office building is-

CF: My fleet of butterflies has caught the building! You take Attractor!

MF: You ready to meet and greet with my fists and feet, Attractor?

Attractor: Oh, that’s it! I’m going to kill you with my bare hands!

Stallion: Earth Guard, take this bastard down!

Newsman: The entire Earth Guard has entered the fray against Attractor! He appears to be… yes, picking up cars off the street with people still inside and… he’s throwing them at the Guard- Voodoo Lady appears to be catching them and setting them down, but… (news fades back down)

Foal: I knew you’d do it, Chuck.